I was given a book to help me on my mission towards a settled baby. Way back, three months ago, I reported that I felt our baby was entering "the settled baby stage". That lasted all of two weeks. It was wonderful when it lasted.
Now we are at the six month mark. I REALLY need some more solid sleep so I can function and escape this groggy fog I sometimes feel throughout the day. The party's over! It's time for him to settle for longer periods through the night. No more two hour intervals!
I have quickly learned that this baby market is exceptionally vast and lucrative! There is a book for everything you could imagine! There is a product for everything you could imagine where babies are concerned. I have fallen for a few marketable products that just didn't pan out for what they were worth. For instance, the Bumbo. It is a cute "ergonomic" chair for babies to support them in sitting properly and comfortably when they are too young to hold themselves up. You can use them for many versatile reasons- feeding, playing, bring it to the beach or over to your mother-in-laws! It's made from non-toxic durable plastic in Africa and it's very light-weight! Sound appealing? Our baby tolerated it for maybe five seatings. He squirmed in it and wanted out- FAST! I sold it last week to another new mother who has been "drawn" in like I was. I took the money and ran! Hey- I was upfront, I told her that my baby just didn't enjoy it like I knew her baby would! haha!
So now I read this Baby Whisperer book in two nights. I found most of the stuff common sense and some of it helpful. However, there are so many schools of thought. I have been guided in so many directions by "sleep experts" and nothing is the right approach. It confused me more than anything. This whole "is your baby sleeping through the night concept" is a hoax. There is no-one that can tell me that they have a baby who does this- consistently in the first year! If there is, send her to me and I will be the adult whisperer and give her a piece of my mind. I say this with a lighthearted kind of kidding. Really. I just have to persevere and go with my gut. That is what I have learned! I know our baby well enough now that I have an idea what is going to work. Time, patience, consistency and warmth.
I should write a book and call it "I don't know everything but you've gotta start somewhere!"
Look for it on bookshelves next year when I am more rested!
Good night!
Monday, March 12, 2007
body image
I was horrified today watching a television commercial from LA weight loss! Its premise was that "skin was in and food was out". My goodness, what is this world coming to?
I am really worried about the young girls growing up today. They are subjected to this crazed body image stuff at such a tender age. They grow up way too quickly and this added pressure is just not fair.
A friend of mine hosted a birthday party last month for her 8 year old daughter. The evening promised to be fun filled with an "all night dance party" for five of her girlfriends. "All night" just made it sound really appealing but they crashed at eleven after dancing the night away in the living room to their favourite music! My friend baked a delicious chocolate cake for the party and when she brought it out, there was no response! The only person who had a piece of the cake was the birthday girl herself. One girl piped up and said "Oh, I can't eat that or I'll get a fat butt."
I think it's wonderful that kids say no to eating junk food often or they are health conscious but this came from a different place. It represents the fear, worry and anxiety young girls have about their looks when they really should be free-spirited in this time of their lives. Cake is a wonderful treat to bring out on a special occasion!
How sad.
I want all of the young girls in my life to be healthy both in body and mind. I want to reach out to them and say, yes- nurture your bodies, treat them right, stay active, eat your veggies but for goodness sakes, be a kid! Go out and play and have a happy heart! Don't concern yourself with such matters.
I am really worried about the young girls growing up today. They are subjected to this crazed body image stuff at such a tender age. They grow up way too quickly and this added pressure is just not fair.
A friend of mine hosted a birthday party last month for her 8 year old daughter. The evening promised to be fun filled with an "all night dance party" for five of her girlfriends. "All night" just made it sound really appealing but they crashed at eleven after dancing the night away in the living room to their favourite music! My friend baked a delicious chocolate cake for the party and when she brought it out, there was no response! The only person who had a piece of the cake was the birthday girl herself. One girl piped up and said "Oh, I can't eat that or I'll get a fat butt."
I think it's wonderful that kids say no to eating junk food often or they are health conscious but this came from a different place. It represents the fear, worry and anxiety young girls have about their looks when they really should be free-spirited in this time of their lives. Cake is a wonderful treat to bring out on a special occasion!
How sad.
I want all of the young girls in my life to be healthy both in body and mind. I want to reach out to them and say, yes- nurture your bodies, treat them right, stay active, eat your veggies but for goodness sakes, be a kid! Go out and play and have a happy heart! Don't concern yourself with such matters.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
the golden oldies
When I was a kid, I didn't enjoy listening to "golden oldies" music. I remember trying to make a run for it whenever the radio would blare such tunes like "Unchained melody," "Why do fools fall in love," and "Earth Angel." I used to cringe. I would picture old diners with juke boxes and boys with slicked black hair standing tall as the pretty girls in poodle skirts walked by with their pig tales and rosey, innocent cheeks. I think I watched "the Fonz" in action one too many times.
I did much of my growing up and youthful activities in the 90's. Things were much different then. We used to go in large numbers to dance clubs and dance the night away! Clubs began staying open until 2am and we'd stay until the lights came on! I was living on my own in my early twenties so a curfew was irrelevant but I stayed out of trouble- for the most part. I used to wear long boots, short tops underneath blazers because I wasn't that brave and jeans usually. ICCK. Back then, I thought I looked so good. I was a pretty good dancer (if I don't say so myself) and I always had a blast with my friends! We always played it safe and took a taxi all over town or we'd stay in a hotel if we were too far from home. We'd pack in as many friends into our rooms as possible which would make the accommodations really cheap. We'd usually eat a big breakfast with a large group of us before we headed home with a headache from the night before. Pretty innocent fun and lots of laughs were had. We'd listen to hip hop and dance music all night long!
I wonder if our baby will one day hear the music we used to listen to and cringe? Will our music be considered "the golden oldies" next? I am not really sure. Somehow I feel the music of my time was less authentic and not as celebrated. There is something to be said for the true "golden oldies". I think they will outlast the test of time.
I did much of my growing up and youthful activities in the 90's. Things were much different then. We used to go in large numbers to dance clubs and dance the night away! Clubs began staying open until 2am and we'd stay until the lights came on! I was living on my own in my early twenties so a curfew was irrelevant but I stayed out of trouble- for the most part. I used to wear long boots, short tops underneath blazers because I wasn't that brave and jeans usually. ICCK. Back then, I thought I looked so good. I was a pretty good dancer (if I don't say so myself) and I always had a blast with my friends! We always played it safe and took a taxi all over town or we'd stay in a hotel if we were too far from home. We'd pack in as many friends into our rooms as possible which would make the accommodations really cheap. We'd usually eat a big breakfast with a large group of us before we headed home with a headache from the night before. Pretty innocent fun and lots of laughs were had. We'd listen to hip hop and dance music all night long!
I wonder if our baby will one day hear the music we used to listen to and cringe? Will our music be considered "the golden oldies" next? I am not really sure. Somehow I feel the music of my time was less authentic and not as celebrated. There is something to be said for the true "golden oldies". I think they will outlast the test of time.
Ice cream
My husband often dreams of really light and easy things. Things like birds, fishing, wildlife, etc. I believe this represents a psyche that is at peace. My dreams and the frequency of dreaming coincides with what's going on "upstairs" for me and usually is a good indication of my overall wellness. Lately, my dreams have been about real life things that I may be struggling with in reality. However, good news! I believe my seasonal low is lifting!
Last night, I dreamt of ice cream!!!! What a wonderful treat not only to dream of something yummy but to dream of something that represents a lighter side to me. Ice cream is good for people of all ages. It is a treat that is timeless. We often outgrow our childhood tastes but ice cream remains a part of us.
Just think for a moment of what it would be like if ice cream could be found everywhere!! You'd walk to the park and were able to indulge in the trails of ice cream along the way. It excites to me to think of ice-cream as a part of our baby's life too. I wonder what his favourite flavour will be? A few of mine are tiger stripe, peanut butter chocolate and orange sorbet.
My husband says every now and then he gets a glimpse of the little girl who still lives in me. She comes out every now and then but especially where ice-cream is concerned! I told him about the ice-cream truck who used to drive down my street playing whimsical music to entice the children. It worked for me! As soon as I would hear those familiar tunes, I would run up to the house and shout with glee, "Mom, the ice-cream man's coming, the ice-cream man is coming!" Usually she would hand out her last bit of change and I would be the first in line ordering a vanilla/chocolate swirl cone. I would savour it down to the last lick. My husband got a chuckle out of this story. Last summer, in our new house, I saw him running towards the house and he too, began shouting, "The ice cream man's coming!" He was so excited for me because the same kind of truck is now making runs through our neighbourhood. How sweet of my hubby for sharing in my excitement. It was precious! I think I squealed just as I did when I was a kid.
I remember going to the famous "Stoney Creek Dairy" as a special outing as a kid with my family after our Sunday evening meal. The weather was so warm and there was nothing better than ending a warm summer day with ice-cream! Together, my family would line up in the massive crowd outside that wonderful dairy, waiting to get our fix. I would stand there with my finger on my lip reading the 101 flavours to choose from. My grandpa would always order the same flavour every time. Black cherry or maple walnut. He loved watching us enjoy our ice-cream. I remember staring in awe if my dad ordered his banana split. I would watch him sample each mound of ice-cream covered with delicious toppings. Strawberry. Butterscotch. Hot fudge. I always asked for a taste of the banana.
A few years back, I learned I was lactose intolerant so ice-cream was out of my life for a while. I missed it. Life just wasn't the same. Last summer, being very pregnant and knowing I would be without other summer treats like strawberry daiquiris, I knew I had to find a way to be able to enjoy ice-cream again. Have you ever heard of lacteeze? It really works. I carried them in my purse and I would pop a couple of them just moments before arriving at the ice-cream parlour and I was fine!!!!
If everyone on this planet were as excited about ice-cream as I am, I am certain there would be peace on earth.
Last night, I dreamt of ice cream!!!! What a wonderful treat not only to dream of something yummy but to dream of something that represents a lighter side to me. Ice cream is good for people of all ages. It is a treat that is timeless. We often outgrow our childhood tastes but ice cream remains a part of us.
Just think for a moment of what it would be like if ice cream could be found everywhere!! You'd walk to the park and were able to indulge in the trails of ice cream along the way. It excites to me to think of ice-cream as a part of our baby's life too. I wonder what his favourite flavour will be? A few of mine are tiger stripe, peanut butter chocolate and orange sorbet.
My husband says every now and then he gets a glimpse of the little girl who still lives in me. She comes out every now and then but especially where ice-cream is concerned! I told him about the ice-cream truck who used to drive down my street playing whimsical music to entice the children. It worked for me! As soon as I would hear those familiar tunes, I would run up to the house and shout with glee, "Mom, the ice-cream man's coming, the ice-cream man is coming!" Usually she would hand out her last bit of change and I would be the first in line ordering a vanilla/chocolate swirl cone. I would savour it down to the last lick. My husband got a chuckle out of this story. Last summer, in our new house, I saw him running towards the house and he too, began shouting, "The ice cream man's coming!" He was so excited for me because the same kind of truck is now making runs through our neighbourhood. How sweet of my hubby for sharing in my excitement. It was precious! I think I squealed just as I did when I was a kid.
I remember going to the famous "Stoney Creek Dairy" as a special outing as a kid with my family after our Sunday evening meal. The weather was so warm and there was nothing better than ending a warm summer day with ice-cream! Together, my family would line up in the massive crowd outside that wonderful dairy, waiting to get our fix. I would stand there with my finger on my lip reading the 101 flavours to choose from. My grandpa would always order the same flavour every time. Black cherry or maple walnut. He loved watching us enjoy our ice-cream. I remember staring in awe if my dad ordered his banana split. I would watch him sample each mound of ice-cream covered with delicious toppings. Strawberry. Butterscotch. Hot fudge. I always asked for a taste of the banana.
A few years back, I learned I was lactose intolerant so ice-cream was out of my life for a while. I missed it. Life just wasn't the same. Last summer, being very pregnant and knowing I would be without other summer treats like strawberry daiquiris, I knew I had to find a way to be able to enjoy ice-cream again. Have you ever heard of lacteeze? It really works. I carried them in my purse and I would pop a couple of them just moments before arriving at the ice-cream parlour and I was fine!!!!
If everyone on this planet were as excited about ice-cream as I am, I am certain there would be peace on earth.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
baby's first blizzard
We had plans, darn it! The baby and I made it into my home-town for a little visit this week. We had plans to see aunts, friends, old co-workers and others. We were blasted with Mr. Winter today and it is still coming down! We tried to venture out this morning to our favourite toy store and our trip was short! As I carried the baby in his car seat into the store, I looked back at the empty parking lot and shook my head. "I gotta have rocks in my head! What am I doing out in this?"
We spent the day at Mom's. This baby of mine does not need toys! We had a blast! I put on my famous "wabbit hat" and made funny faces at him all morning long. I wonder what he was thinking but he didn't seem to tire of my exaggerated bunny faces. I think I belong in theatre! Once the performance of my life was over, we headed to the bedroom and had one long nap!
Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z are always a good way to spend a blizzard too!
I am not looking forward to the aftermath. My husband misses me and I am looking forward to heading home!
We spent the day at Mom's. This baby of mine does not need toys! We had a blast! I put on my famous "wabbit hat" and made funny faces at him all morning long. I wonder what he was thinking but he didn't seem to tire of my exaggerated bunny faces. I think I belong in theatre! Once the performance of my life was over, we headed to the bedroom and had one long nap!
Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z are always a good way to spend a blizzard too!
I am not looking forward to the aftermath. My husband misses me and I am looking forward to heading home!
Saturday, February 10, 2007
the "C" word
Not a great topic. I know. It is taboo and no-one wants to talk about it. Just this past week we have known 3 people who have succumbed to this dreadful disease. Just this past week, I had lunch with four friends. I was the only one who had not lost a parent to this disease. Just this past week, one of my dear friends sitting at that very table had recently been diagnosed with the disease at the tender age of 33. Just this past week, I had dinner with my 8 year old nephew at a Chinese restaurant and his fortune cookie said, "You will live a healthy and prosperous life." He clapped his hands and said "Yay, I won't get cancer!" I looked at him in disbelief and asked him to repeat what he said. It was exactly what I had heard. My conclusion- we had better start talking about this.
I must admit, I have very little awareness about the disease but what I do know it has afflicted too many people I love. What do we do about this? Just sit by and ring our hands together hoping it will not arrive at someone else's door step? It is the most helpless feeling of all.
I must admit, I have very little awareness about the disease but what I do know it has afflicted too many people I love. What do we do about this? Just sit by and ring our hands together hoping it will not arrive at someone else's door step? It is the most helpless feeling of all.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
a trip to the dairy farm
Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be breastfeeding our baby. There are so many benefits for both of us. It is a small sacrifice in the big picture. Day in and day out, it is a time that I can spend with the baby and enjoy. He is quite playful and comical during his feedings lately. He will play hide and seek and peek-a-boo while he takes a break. Other times, he leisurely sips away like he's enjoying his version of an aperitif. I gotta say that it isn't always wonderful being occupied for almost 8-10 times per day- especially on days when I have a huge to-do list. However, I remind myself to exercise patience, as it is one of the most natural things a mother could give to her young. I often joke when whisking the baby away in my arms while excusing myself to my guests- "sorry, time to take a trip to the dairy farm", I say.
The next time I pass a farm, I will wave and blow kisses to these wonderful and patient creatures. Geeeeeeeeez.
bug boxes
What random thoughts I have swirling in my mind. Today on my way home from a friend's, I got thinking in the car about all of the fun things I can do when I open my day-care.
Bug boxes came to mind.
I used to love collecting any little creatures from spiders to toads, ants and potato bugs and my favourite of all- salamanders! Mostly I would house them in baby jars or margarine containers. My attempt at keeping them in their natural habitat would be to yank out some strands of grass from the earth and viola! Home sweet home! I am sure it would have been more advantageous to feed them, water them and give them some breathing holes! I always forgot those details and would often wonder why they didn't live past a few hours. Poor little critters!
My biggest and most successful achievement was an old mandarin orange box that I transformed into a small landscape for my salamander collection. I put lots of dirt in there with a little pond of water. I couldn't determine their food source so I just gathered whatever I could think of that might appeal to them. Crushed up potato chips, ants, grass, beetles, etc. I looked after them for several weeks and they were thriving! I was amazed! I considered myself to be one great care-taker. It was the highlight of the summer for me. Waking up in the morning, I'd run out to greet my friends in the garage! After a few weeks, the novelty wore off and I became pre-occupied with something else. That happened a lot when I was a kid. I forgot about my friends in the orange box and God knows how long it was before I went back for them! They were all dried up and resembled the hard & stiff, plastic toy lizards I had inside. I felt so ashamed!
After remembering this story, I don't think I could ever encourage taking little creatures as hostages! I just couldn't stand it.
On to the next idea.....
Bug boxes came to mind.
I used to love collecting any little creatures from spiders to toads, ants and potato bugs and my favourite of all- salamanders! Mostly I would house them in baby jars or margarine containers. My attempt at keeping them in their natural habitat would be to yank out some strands of grass from the earth and viola! Home sweet home! I am sure it would have been more advantageous to feed them, water them and give them some breathing holes! I always forgot those details and would often wonder why they didn't live past a few hours. Poor little critters!
My biggest and most successful achievement was an old mandarin orange box that I transformed into a small landscape for my salamander collection. I put lots of dirt in there with a little pond of water. I couldn't determine their food source so I just gathered whatever I could think of that might appeal to them. Crushed up potato chips, ants, grass, beetles, etc. I looked after them for several weeks and they were thriving! I was amazed! I considered myself to be one great care-taker. It was the highlight of the summer for me. Waking up in the morning, I'd run out to greet my friends in the garage! After a few weeks, the novelty wore off and I became pre-occupied with something else. That happened a lot when I was a kid. I forgot about my friends in the orange box and God knows how long it was before I went back for them! They were all dried up and resembled the hard & stiff, plastic toy lizards I had inside. I felt so ashamed!
After remembering this story, I don't think I could ever encourage taking little creatures as hostages! I just couldn't stand it.
On to the next idea.....
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
the Window Man
Okay, after much blushing, I can laugh at this! It was the highlight of my day, in fact. I am sure it wasn't for dear old Mr. Window Man! He got the surprise/shock of his life today! We have had major renovations happening at our place for the last week. Looking good but God Almighty, enough already! Please leave. Now.
We are having all of our windows, eaves, soffit and fascia replaced... blah blah blah.
There has been a man hanging around our blind-free windows for days now and I can't keep up to his movements around the house! Fischer is amused because his interpretation is that there are life-size mobiles dangling in our windows. Each time he sneaks a peek at "the Window Man", he smiles and squeaks with amusement.
Today after my shower, I thought I heard him at the back of our house. The coast was clear!You know where I am going with this. I ran with my towel wrapped around me into the bedroom to change as quickly as possible. You guessed it! Towel drops to the floor and who pipes up on a ladder? I was mortified and I am sure he was too! That'll teach him from over-staying his welcome and hanging out in people's windows all day long!
I am over it. I really am.
We are having all of our windows, eaves, soffit and fascia replaced... blah blah blah.
There has been a man hanging around our blind-free windows for days now and I can't keep up to his movements around the house! Fischer is amused because his interpretation is that there are life-size mobiles dangling in our windows. Each time he sneaks a peek at "the Window Man", he smiles and squeaks with amusement.
Today after my shower, I thought I heard him at the back of our house. The coast was clear!You know where I am going with this. I ran with my towel wrapped around me into the bedroom to change as quickly as possible. You guessed it! Towel drops to the floor and who pipes up on a ladder? I was mortified and I am sure he was too! That'll teach him from over-staying his welcome and hanging out in people's windows all day long!
I am over it. I really am.
Monday, January 22, 2007
not as advertised
The king size bed we bought the other day was tested out today! It failed miserably! My husband was drawn to this bed because it promised for a steady and solid sleep... no waking from your wife's tossing and turning, wine drinking or bowling tournaments. You see, the commercial demonstrates a bowling ball being tossed down onto the mattress and the sleeper remains un-disturbed. The memory foam is supposed to soften the fall or commotion. The other demonstration was a wine glass full of red wine sitting on the bed while a woman jumps up and down on the bed like a lunatic- the glass remains full!
Tonight, I wanted to test my own theories about this bed and prove my husband wrong! We weren't brave enough to sip wine in bed so I asked him to go and get us two big bowls of cereal- corn pops to be exact! We never eat sugar cereal but it was a special event to be had in our new bed! Picture this- there we were, sitting on the bed, taking turns eating our corn pops while the other one bounced on the bed. Result- never cry over spilt milk, I tell you!
Not as advertised, I am afraid. Nevertheless, a comfortable night's sleep still awaits us.
Good night!
Tonight, I wanted to test my own theories about this bed and prove my husband wrong! We weren't brave enough to sip wine in bed so I asked him to go and get us two big bowls of cereal- corn pops to be exact! We never eat sugar cereal but it was a special event to be had in our new bed! Picture this- there we were, sitting on the bed, taking turns eating our corn pops while the other one bounced on the bed. Result- never cry over spilt milk, I tell you!
Not as advertised, I am afraid. Nevertheless, a comfortable night's sleep still awaits us.
Good night!
Friday, January 19, 2007
men and their "BIG" ideas
I was talked into a king size bed by my hubby this week. Price tag- you don't wanna know! I mean, this was a small fortune but I have been assured that we won't have to buy another one for some time. I should think not! If one part of the bed suddenly gives, we have plenty of mattress to last us a life-time!
Reasons I am not convinced this was a good idea:
a) I am not sure if I will ever get used to having a step-stool beside my bed
b) I won't be able to afford new sheets. We better take care of the ones we bought and sleep on bare mattress when they're in the wash!
c) I already have "bed head" in the morning, let alone the wind blown look because the ceiling fan suddenly feels really close!
d) My husband was actually disappointed when he saw it because he thought it would be bigger- OMG! The man wants the bed to accommodate his wing span!
e) Not only is there plenty of room for the both of us, G. can have a harem and be the big Babba! NOT going to happen. Ever.
f) I have lost my night-table because there is no space left in the room. You walk in to one big BED-ROOM literally. It is a room with a BED. That's it. Pretty much.
Enough reasons? Ahhhhhh!
Reasons I am not convinced this was a good idea:
a) I am not sure if I will ever get used to having a step-stool beside my bed
b) I won't be able to afford new sheets. We better take care of the ones we bought and sleep on bare mattress when they're in the wash!
c) I already have "bed head" in the morning, let alone the wind blown look because the ceiling fan suddenly feels really close!
d) My husband was actually disappointed when he saw it because he thought it would be bigger- OMG! The man wants the bed to accommodate his wing span!
e) Not only is there plenty of room for the both of us, G. can have a harem and be the big Babba! NOT going to happen. Ever.
f) I have lost my night-table because there is no space left in the room. You walk in to one big BED-ROOM literally. It is a room with a BED. That's it. Pretty much.
Enough reasons? Ahhhhhh!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
My Sister
I have never had someone write a story about me. Today, I checked my sister's blog and there it was. I have asked other family members if I can display some of their writing here because it seems to be something a few of us enjoy. To reflect and to write.
I share this with you not in an attempt to "self congratulate" but rather to show you just how wonderful it is to have someone know you completely like only a sister could. In reading this, I also have come to understand that I guess we really do develop our personalities at a young age and the more things change, the more they stay the same. Thanks Care for giving me a tender glimpse of what it was like growing up with me. WOW. I love you forever and a day.
Some siblings don't find friendship and unconditional love in their lot, in eachother. But I am a lucky one. I have. It is strong bond with my one and only. Her name is Laura. Isn't that a pretty name? Old fashioned but Classic. Humble but Elegant. Welcoming and Down to Earth. And named after the middle name of our Grandmother. So she is well named. As a little girl, I thought of her as my own dolly much of the time,Thumbalina as my Mom called her. A doll that I could feed real pie to, and she loved it. And so the nickname PieFace from our Dad.
I remember right from the beginning of her. I remember she smiled easily and her face always looked happy. Even when she cried, she'd smile. I remember her eyes welling up when she was happy to see me. Thankfully, that was often. And for some strange reason I seemed to understand what that was back then,that it was happiness. I knew she was happy and I 'd tell her that..." Yes, your happy to see me, aren't you Laura? "Lunch times of chicken noodle soup in pink plastic bowls,and Laura having to be tied into the big kids chair is a vision I still recall easily. And she was always braver than I for being the younger of the two of us. She jokes about me scaring her with the "hamburgler"but honestly, she wasn't afraid of much. When I was too chicken to go down the basement and get potatoes from the fruit cellar, I could always convince her to do it for me. Convincing her was usually in the form of a threat to tell about her and Stefan kissing,but it saved me many times from having to go down those stairs and it worked for years...until she confessed to our mother that she kissed that Stefan.
For years we abandoned our own rooms and slept in the spare room together. Again, I was a chicken. I'd beg her to sleep in the spare room just one more night. And she always did. And she put up with a lot, I peed the bed till I was 11. I only remember her complaining once and that was the time I blamed her for the wet bed.
Laura was a bit of a tomboy growing up. Was never fond of hair brushings usually quite dirty from a full day of outside play and just ...always up to things. If she wasn't clearing the nicknacks out of my room thinking I'd never notice them in her room, she'd have some concoction in the blender, some lost animal hidden in her room, or she was organizing some "Main Event" andputting all her little friends to work while she gave orders.
She'd have a new friend daily. She could meet a new friend anywhere. At the park, bike riding or just walking up that long street Norway Ave. but she'd bring them home for supper. And she'd sit smiling from ear to ear at them at the supper table, telling stories and offering them her last bite of food. She was good friend with many, many of them. The kind of kid that would smile at you with a fondness in her eye that made you feel like you were the best friend ever. She still has that little Beav smile,the one where her eyebrow raises just a tad and her cheeks indent in the lower corners.Yes, I know my sister well, from her smile right down to her feet.
Scavenger hunts,hikes that lasted until dark,and night long games of hide and seekand kick baseball,sleepovers and theme parties were part of her personality. And still are. To me, Laura was a little girl that you had to call 20 times to come in for supper,she never sat still to eat proper,and in minutes she was out playing again. She was extremely easy going most times but she had a temper and could beat the molasses out of me. I deserved it becausefor some reason I got a kick out of teasing her. It was usually about her height, she was always the tallest girl in her class or her big feet ( I am sooo sorry for that Laura). I'd tease her until she got to the point of her red explosive face and then I regretted it. A straight and thorough hair pulling (her famous move)never stopped me from egging her on the next day though so, like I said I deserved it.
She was always a helper of mankind from a very younge age. She loved older people, and animals and earthy things for as long as I can remember. I am quite sure she would still climb a tree in a dress. She has always been strong and brave,and would stand up to anyone,or any cause she believed in. She was a born leader. As she grew up,her fiesty stayed but sometimes bossy personality softened. It only comes out when experiencing bad service or injustice towards her fellow man. She is still full of mischief andonly last week scared the molasses of out of my son,just for kicks.
She learns best hands on, by doing it, not being told how to do it. But rolling up her sleeves and trial and error. She is a wife and a mother now. And a great one. But she is so, still that little girl,that loved playing tricks,getting dirty,and eating pie, one sliver of each kind.
And being the very best person she knows how to be. Herself.
By Carrie
I share this with you not in an attempt to "self congratulate" but rather to show you just how wonderful it is to have someone know you completely like only a sister could. In reading this, I also have come to understand that I guess we really do develop our personalities at a young age and the more things change, the more they stay the same. Thanks Care for giving me a tender glimpse of what it was like growing up with me. WOW. I love you forever and a day.
Some siblings don't find friendship and unconditional love in their lot, in eachother. But I am a lucky one. I have. It is strong bond with my one and only. Her name is Laura. Isn't that a pretty name? Old fashioned but Classic. Humble but Elegant. Welcoming and Down to Earth. And named after the middle name of our Grandmother. So she is well named. As a little girl, I thought of her as my own dolly much of the time,Thumbalina as my Mom called her. A doll that I could feed real pie to, and she loved it. And so the nickname PieFace from our Dad.
I remember right from the beginning of her. I remember she smiled easily and her face always looked happy. Even when she cried, she'd smile. I remember her eyes welling up when she was happy to see me. Thankfully, that was often. And for some strange reason I seemed to understand what that was back then,that it was happiness. I knew she was happy and I 'd tell her that..." Yes, your happy to see me, aren't you Laura? "Lunch times of chicken noodle soup in pink plastic bowls,and Laura having to be tied into the big kids chair is a vision I still recall easily. And she was always braver than I for being the younger of the two of us. She jokes about me scaring her with the "hamburgler"but honestly, she wasn't afraid of much. When I was too chicken to go down the basement and get potatoes from the fruit cellar, I could always convince her to do it for me. Convincing her was usually in the form of a threat to tell about her and Stefan kissing,but it saved me many times from having to go down those stairs and it worked for years...until she confessed to our mother that she kissed that Stefan.
For years we abandoned our own rooms and slept in the spare room together. Again, I was a chicken. I'd beg her to sleep in the spare room just one more night. And she always did. And she put up with a lot, I peed the bed till I was 11. I only remember her complaining once and that was the time I blamed her for the wet bed.
Laura was a bit of a tomboy growing up. Was never fond of hair brushings usually quite dirty from a full day of outside play and just ...always up to things. If she wasn't clearing the nicknacks out of my room thinking I'd never notice them in her room, she'd have some concoction in the blender, some lost animal hidden in her room, or she was organizing some "Main Event" andputting all her little friends to work while she gave orders.
She'd have a new friend daily. She could meet a new friend anywhere. At the park, bike riding or just walking up that long street Norway Ave. but she'd bring them home for supper. And she'd sit smiling from ear to ear at them at the supper table, telling stories and offering them her last bite of food. She was good friend with many, many of them. The kind of kid that would smile at you with a fondness in her eye that made you feel like you were the best friend ever. She still has that little Beav smile,the one where her eyebrow raises just a tad and her cheeks indent in the lower corners.Yes, I know my sister well, from her smile right down to her feet.
Scavenger hunts,hikes that lasted until dark,and night long games of hide and seekand kick baseball,sleepovers and theme parties were part of her personality. And still are. To me, Laura was a little girl that you had to call 20 times to come in for supper,she never sat still to eat proper,and in minutes she was out playing again. She was extremely easy going most times but she had a temper and could beat the molasses out of me. I deserved it becausefor some reason I got a kick out of teasing her. It was usually about her height, she was always the tallest girl in her class or her big feet ( I am sooo sorry for that Laura). I'd tease her until she got to the point of her red explosive face and then I regretted it. A straight and thorough hair pulling (her famous move)never stopped me from egging her on the next day though so, like I said I deserved it.
She was always a helper of mankind from a very younge age. She loved older people, and animals and earthy things for as long as I can remember. I am quite sure she would still climb a tree in a dress. She has always been strong and brave,and would stand up to anyone,or any cause she believed in. She was a born leader. As she grew up,her fiesty stayed but sometimes bossy personality softened. It only comes out when experiencing bad service or injustice towards her fellow man. She is still full of mischief andonly last week scared the molasses of out of my son,just for kicks.
She learns best hands on, by doing it, not being told how to do it. But rolling up her sleeves and trial and error. She is a wife and a mother now. And a great one. But she is so, still that little girl,that loved playing tricks,getting dirty,and eating pie, one sliver of each kind.
And being the very best person she knows how to be. Herself.
By Carrie
Sunday, January 14, 2007
what do you wanna be when you grow up?
When I grow up, I want to be.....
Well, for most of us this sentence isn't realized. It is put off, second guessed, ruled out and other times ridiculed or ignored. For others, it gets tweaked a bit and only a select few really become that person we wanted to be when we grew up. I know for me this changed a lot through the years but the general theme was to work with people and to serve them well in some small way.
When I was a little girl, aside from the typical "I wanna be a teacher or veterinarian", I knew that I wanted to try to make a difference in people's lives. I used to say "I want to help people with their problems", not knowing the precise title or occupation that entailed.
Later, I learned this resembled the occupation of a social service worker but it could also mean family member or friend because they, too, need to be helped out with their problems (I did too at the best of times).
I suppose you could say I followed my dream. I know some people felt I wouldn't be compensated well enough from a financial stand-point to deal with such challenges. My response - that's not what this was about. It was to help people. However, in hindsight, the people I worked with actually "helped" me. They helped me find my way.
I learned to be humble. I learned compassion. I learned about human nature in all of its glory and defeat. I learned best by doing, be seeing, by witnessing, by listening. I began my career wanting to save the world. I took on way too much at times, I lost lots of sleep, I shed tears, I had trouble drawing clear boundaries when I wanted to go to the endth for people. I learned about people's struggles with codependency, healing and truth. I learned that we really are equals in this world - the same vulnerable human beings who fear the same things and want the same things out of life. I learned that people's choices were their own and most importantly, I had to learn that it really wasn't about me.
I gave people their power back. I put it back in their laps when they wanted me to make their decisions for them, I held their hand when they faced their fears, I celebrated them when they rose to the occasion of life and moved out of the darkness. I waved goodbye when it was time and I was a refined "ice breaker". I was just my plain old real self and it worked with most people. I learned to have a reliable sense of humour when things went array and I learned to forgive myself when I made mistakes.
Eventually, I went from amateur and naive helper of people to a more self-assured and seasoned veteran. I learned when to say yes and when to say no and when to walk away from situations that may put me at risk.
I have been afforded the opportunity to have worked with over 1000 people in my career! I have been threatened a dozen times, sworn at frequently but hugged more often. Now I have decided it's time to hang up my hat and call it a day.
"If you love and serve man, you cannot, by any hiding or stratagem, escape remuneration".
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well, for most of us this sentence isn't realized. It is put off, second guessed, ruled out and other times ridiculed or ignored. For others, it gets tweaked a bit and only a select few really become that person we wanted to be when we grew up. I know for me this changed a lot through the years but the general theme was to work with people and to serve them well in some small way.
When I was a little girl, aside from the typical "I wanna be a teacher or veterinarian", I knew that I wanted to try to make a difference in people's lives. I used to say "I want to help people with their problems", not knowing the precise title or occupation that entailed.
Later, I learned this resembled the occupation of a social service worker but it could also mean family member or friend because they, too, need to be helped out with their problems (I did too at the best of times).
I suppose you could say I followed my dream. I know some people felt I wouldn't be compensated well enough from a financial stand-point to deal with such challenges. My response - that's not what this was about. It was to help people. However, in hindsight, the people I worked with actually "helped" me. They helped me find my way.
I learned to be humble. I learned compassion. I learned about human nature in all of its glory and defeat. I learned best by doing, be seeing, by witnessing, by listening. I began my career wanting to save the world. I took on way too much at times, I lost lots of sleep, I shed tears, I had trouble drawing clear boundaries when I wanted to go to the endth for people. I learned about people's struggles with codependency, healing and truth. I learned that we really are equals in this world - the same vulnerable human beings who fear the same things and want the same things out of life. I learned that people's choices were their own and most importantly, I had to learn that it really wasn't about me.
I gave people their power back. I put it back in their laps when they wanted me to make their decisions for them, I held their hand when they faced their fears, I celebrated them when they rose to the occasion of life and moved out of the darkness. I waved goodbye when it was time and I was a refined "ice breaker". I was just my plain old real self and it worked with most people. I learned to have a reliable sense of humour when things went array and I learned to forgive myself when I made mistakes.
Eventually, I went from amateur and naive helper of people to a more self-assured and seasoned veteran. I learned when to say yes and when to say no and when to walk away from situations that may put me at risk.
I have been afforded the opportunity to have worked with over 1000 people in my career! I have been threatened a dozen times, sworn at frequently but hugged more often. Now I have decided it's time to hang up my hat and call it a day.
"If you love and serve man, you cannot, by any hiding or stratagem, escape remuneration".
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friday, January 12, 2007
Feeding Time!!
Today after getting a pep talk and some solid advice from my best friend Siobbhan (Godess and Mother of two), I arrived at a good conclusion- it's time. The baby has put me through the ringer the last week waking up through the night and re-claiming newborn status with the need to be fed every two hours!! Cluster feeding aka growth spurt for this little babe. I am persevering but I think this baby is trying to tell us something- he needs more!! We gave him his first taste of cereal tonight and boy did he love it! He was so excited he went cross-eyed and squeeled with delight. Furthermore, he did not reject it and we couldn't get the spoon in his mouth quick enough. As you can see from the pictures, it was not long before he took over. The spoon was in his hand as he smothered it all over his face mostly but eventually it made it to its destination! Yummy for him and so delightful to watch!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
lions and tigers and bears
The Wizard of Oz is my favourite movie of all times. I don't think it will ever be replaced.
The singing, the dancing, the performing, the magic of it all.
As I have said before, if I were any one of these characters, I would play the lion and ask for courage. Why? Everyone needs a great dose of courage in this life.
Sometimes I am afraid of my own shadow and its capabilities. I have to ponder things from all angles and analyze the molasses of out it. (note: I am trying to use more appropriate language since it's so easy to use filler words like crap- ooops, I said it).
May I trust my gut more. A recent study said you really should go with what your gut tells you. Often times, people ignore what their instincts have told them. I will listen to you more, gut. I promise. You are right most times. I value you.
Sometimes I fear the unknown. What does it matter- it's going to happen anyway! Instead, may I try to embrace the unknown and know that I have more control over my own outcomes than I realize. I must breathe good things and feel good things and they will happen. Forget about wasting my money on fortune tellers, I may get good enough and be able to forecast my own fate. In addition, may I just enjoy the here and now. Often times, I look way too far ahead. By the time I get actually physically get to that time, I am way past that concern and it's irrelevant. I have moved onto other things.
Most times I fear loss. This is a big one. I must work really hard at this. Why is it that I think about this way too much? I know it's big for most people but it's really big for me. Some things we just don't have control over and the inevitable happens. We loose things that matter to us- people and things. People obviously being the important one here. If I could gather up all of the courage from OZ, I would get better at this. It will take some time.
I will just follow the yellow brick road and find me some courage.
The singing, the dancing, the performing, the magic of it all.
As I have said before, if I were any one of these characters, I would play the lion and ask for courage. Why? Everyone needs a great dose of courage in this life.
Sometimes I am afraid of my own shadow and its capabilities. I have to ponder things from all angles and analyze the molasses of out it. (note: I am trying to use more appropriate language since it's so easy to use filler words like crap- ooops, I said it).
May I trust my gut more. A recent study said you really should go with what your gut tells you. Often times, people ignore what their instincts have told them. I will listen to you more, gut. I promise. You are right most times. I value you.
Sometimes I fear the unknown. What does it matter- it's going to happen anyway! Instead, may I try to embrace the unknown and know that I have more control over my own outcomes than I realize. I must breathe good things and feel good things and they will happen. Forget about wasting my money on fortune tellers, I may get good enough and be able to forecast my own fate. In addition, may I just enjoy the here and now. Often times, I look way too far ahead. By the time I get actually physically get to that time, I am way past that concern and it's irrelevant. I have moved onto other things.
Most times I fear loss. This is a big one. I must work really hard at this. Why is it that I think about this way too much? I know it's big for most people but it's really big for me. Some things we just don't have control over and the inevitable happens. We loose things that matter to us- people and things. People obviously being the important one here. If I could gather up all of the courage from OZ, I would get better at this. It will take some time.
I will just follow the yellow brick road and find me some courage.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
the price of a miracle
I stared at the shoes on the shelf in front of me. "...none of these are Bass Weejuns, Dad!" I exclaimed. "Well, there's plenty of choice here", he said. "Pick one that looks like them - these are penny loafers."I was feeling so frustrated, so angry, so humiliated. Why did I have to have wider feet than the average gal. Why did I have to shop in an old lady's shoe store - Naturalizer's was not the place I wanted to be!
I apprehensively selected a black pair of "fake" penny loafers. I will be the laughing stock of the school, I imagined. We left the store and my stomach began to ache as I anticipated the thought of having to actually wear the darn things.
Next day comes. I wear my winter boots and shove the new shoes into my knapsack. I get on the bus and sit beside my friend Sandy. I began telling her the story as I am distracted mid-sentence. There across from me is a preppy girl sitting with her legs crossed. On foot- the shiniest, most beautiful pair of new Bass Weejuns. They were burgundy with tassels. I stared at them in awe, as I told my friend the saga of my new fake shoes. She and I both looked down at our feet and up again at each other and smiled. Almost a reassuring smile that said "We're in this together." Neither of us had an authentic pair of Weejuns.
I arrived at my locker- Brebeuf High School. Grade nine. Students distracted and rushing the halls, I pulled on the shoes and threw my boots into my locker. I began walking. If there was any way I could have hid my feet, I would have. They felt like they were 5 feet long. All I could see were my sorry looking shoes. I suddenly felt weak. I quickly walked into my home-room class. Science. We had lab seats - you know, high stools. Great, I now had to sit with them displayed so the whole world could see them! I put my head down until the teacher commenced our lab lesson. The end of the day drew near and I was longing to be back at my locker switching into my boots for the long bus ride home. It had been a very long day. Thank God, that cute Grade 10 guy Sean didn't come to class today. I seek him out always and today I played it real low key.
Sandy and I hopped on the bus and before I knew it, it was time to say good-bye. My stop was next so I stood at the bus door talking to her about our plans for the upcoming dance. There was no way I would wear these shoes to the dance. School was bad enough. I waved good-bye and off I went. I walked home from the bus stop practically dragging my knapsack behind. I still had my lunch from today. There was no way I had any appetite. Maybe I would go on a hunger strike to prove a point to my Dad that this was one of the most devastating experiences in my life. Maybe he would give in and buy me a new pair of shoes.
The next day came. I went through the motions. I never did homework in the ninth grade so it was not abnormal to leave my knapsack untouched in the evenings. Something was different. As I pulled out my lunch from the day before and replaced it with my new lunch, I peered inside. "Wait a minute," I said to myself. I was missing a shoe. This couldn't be! Maybe it fell out onto the floor as I emptied it. I looked around. Panic mixed with excitement. The shoe was gone!! I now had only one terrible shoe. I was going to be late for the bus! I had to think quick. I grabbed for another pair out of the closet and rushed out the door. I would look for the shoe after school. I am sure it will turn up.
Days went by and the shoe was still missing in action. My father glared at me from the corner of his eye in disbelief and did not buy my story- AT ALL. How could I have lost one shoe? I wondered the same thing. I had very mixed emotions. My father knew how much I hated those shoes but I knew they weren't cheap. I felt bad. I felt worried. I felt happy. I felt relieved. Months passed and the shoe was never found. It must have fallen out of my knapsack when I was walking home on that infamous day. Someone was looking out for me. It was a miracle but it left me feeling somewhat torn. My credibility remained in question but I really did loose that shoe- innocently at that.
The price of a miracle, I suppose.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Steeltown
"There's no place like home" - Judy Garland
I am proud to say that the Steeltown is my home-town. I moved away six years ago but it's only been recently that I view Hamilton in a different light. I have many memories of the city. Mostly good but some bad. When I left, I felt it was time to experience life outside the place that had been home to me for 26 years. I have no regrets but I do get home sick from time to time. Though I still remain in Southern Ontario and not too far from home, I crave spontaneous moments with family and friends. I used to love dropping in to see people on a whim, going for coffee with a friend I bumped into at the mall or calling my mom crying that I had a bad day and she would be racing over to rescue me in a moment's notice. Now visits have to be much more coordinated. The benefit of living away is that you can have ample amounts of slumber parties though and be an overnight guest often. It is great fun!
For a time, my heart-strings were often tugged at when I returned to the city. I would reach my destinations and complete any business or visiting I had and then it would be time to depart. I would rarely just cruise around because there were so many places that would remind me of this memory or that person and so much has changed. It would be difficult to go down memory lane - probably because I just wasn't ready for it. I knew the time would come.
This past week, I needed a fix. January does this to me. It is often a very reflective and sentimental month for me. I imagine because we have entered a new year.
I drove around the city yesterday from west to east, north to south. Though it was just baby and I on this joy ride and he didn't understand much, I still talked aloud and narrated a few points of interest. I savoured the ride. I smiled most of the time. I actually laughed out loud a few times too. I also cried. Alot in fact. Not tears of sorrow but just plain old thankfulness. I passed a bus stop where I had my first kiss with my first love. A bench where I sat and shared skittles with a homeless man named. A park where I attended my first outdoor music concert without adult supervision- Jane Sibery at the Festival of Friends. We got her autograph and my sister cried! The hospital that I was born which overlooks the city. The cute little house where my Dad was raised in the north end. I could still see my Grandmother on the porch waving goodbye. The old restaurant my parents used to run on Barton Street. The old Consumer's Distributing Store where I would pick up the catalogues for my "Wish List" every year. The small street that I thought was named after my Uncle Lorne. The hill that my best friend and I would zoom down on our crazy carpets. It seemed so big back then! I also passed the cemetary where some of my friends and family are laid to rest. I passed my old Catholic Girls High School that has now been converted into a nursing home. Oh my goodness, the old variety store that I used to buy bags of penny candy was now boarded up. Oh there's that old pizzeria where my sister and I used to work and where she met her high school sweetheart and future husband. I could smell the yummy italian aroma as I drove by. I passed the market that I occassionally used to go to with my Grandma on Saturday mornings. The bar that I used to frequent with many good friends on Friday nights is still there. The college that I attended for two years has expanded. So many memories. So many great moments in my home-town. A place I will love returning to often. A place I will always call "home."
Thank you Hamilton. You have been good to me.
Monday, January 01, 2007
our planet, our earth...
January always has me thinking about the bigger picture for some reason. Our world and our place in it. Have you ever begun to imagine that for every care or concern we own, there are a million, trillion other ones being created in the minds of others outside of ourselves?
It is easy to be self-consumed. Good or bad. We seem to think we have the best of blessings and the worst of sorrows. This blog is a perfect example. While I use it to get things off my chest, I always use it as a forum to pronounce my gratitudes, my fears and my cares in the world. Today I will think for one moment outside of myself. If we all did this, that is, to think outside of ourselves for one given moment, what would that amount to?
It would be a whole lot of energy used towards expanding our level of consciousness. Sometimes its easier to keep our world small and simple because its safer. I encourage you to keep doing that because I think if we allowed the big picture to stare us in the face for too long, we would all go mad.
Look for beautiful things to surround yourself with. Be gracious. Be kind. Most of all, take some time to contribute to the greater good though. If we all make an effort to improve our planet, perhaps it will pay off a little bit.
Who am I?
I am a woman. I am someone's daughter. I am a baby boy's mother. I am a taurus. I am loyal but sometimes stubborn. I like to daydream. I am mostly joyful. I am a lover of the outdoors, wildlife, art, music and babies. I am a believer. I am a good cook, housekeeper and play-mate. I have a dislike for small talk and left-overs. My passion for justice can sometimes be exhausting. My mom says I am her baby. I feel discouraged about the way the world is going. I feel excited about chocolate and what I want out of life. I feel blessed for having an amusing family and some pretty fascinating friends. I am fearful of loss. I am grateful for knowing peace and love. I am saddened by violence but encouraged by compassion. I am inconsistent at times. I am always hopeful. I am still afraid of the "boogey man." I love cheesey pizza too much. I enjoy picnics in the park. I love the shade but adore the sunshine. I ride my bicycle with no hands sometimes. I smile alot and try not too frown too often. I am a student of life. I love ice-cream but I am lactose intolerant. I still eat it though once in a while. I could loose a few pounds but I am strong. I like myself. I miss my dog and my cat. I was married once before. I have no regrets. I am married again. This time I am committed to "for better or for worse" and everything beautiful in between. My dad says as a kid, I was a defender of the underdog. I still am. I don't read enough but when I do, I savour the last chapter and grieve the end of the book for a couple of days before I start a new one. I learn best by doing. I fall alot but I always get up, dust myself off and try again. I love to dance. I have suffered from depression. I believe in earth angels. I have one very charasmatic sister. I don't save money very well but I live well within my means. I enjoy food and wine and good company. I love to hear stories- especially true ones. I am not always on time. I worry too much sometimes. I respect my elders. I love whole heartedly. I try to speak less and listen more. I hate shopping for clothes but love shopping for anything else! I love pottery. I respect the environment. I answer to Pie-face, Beav, Lola, Girlee and Ms. Sensible Shoes.
Nice to meet you 2007
If 2007 were in fact a person this is what I would say to him/her. Hello 2007, it's very nice to meet you.
Though I don't know you very well yet, I consider you to be very important in my life. I hope you are generous, compassionate, thoughtful, wise, conscientious and fortifying to people I love. I hope you afford us lots of time to get to know you before you are gone and replaced by someone called 2008. I hope you can be well spent and economical. I hope you are gentle with people's hearts. I hope you are filled with calm and splendor.
I hope we can make beautiful memories with you 2007.
Happy travels. May your journey be bright!
Though I don't know you very well yet, I consider you to be very important in my life. I hope you are generous, compassionate, thoughtful, wise, conscientious and fortifying to people I love. I hope you afford us lots of time to get to know you before you are gone and replaced by someone called 2008. I hope you can be well spent and economical. I hope you are gentle with people's hearts. I hope you are filled with calm and splendor.
I hope we can make beautiful memories with you 2007.
Happy travels. May your journey be bright!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)