Aging

It has come to my attention that I am almost forty. I glanced into my rear view mirror today and caught a glimpse of my "crow's feet", which almost resemble really long beautiful eye lashes sculpting the sides of my eyes. However, when I looked closer, it was rather apparent that they were solid, creases of the non-lash type. I stared at myself for a couple of minutes. I wondered how many smiles my face has worn and how many days I had squinted due to the beautiful sunshine on my face. This made me see those lines in a different light.   Hooray, I am alive and well!   

I wish for a time...

I have some time tonight to think about how it came to be that I lost touch with you for so long.

Nearly 3 years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful girl.  Since then, my life has felt a transformation of sorts.  For starters,this is the longest case of writer's block I've had!  I think it is my sleep-deprived state that provides an ample dose of mind fog on a daily basis.  Wait, did I change my underwear today?  Geesh! 

Tonight, my husband asked a darling yet interesting question and I think I surprised him with my answer.  He said, "When you were younger, is this where you hoped you would eventually be?"  I responded a quick NO.  But wait!  Let me back up!  I think for the most part, yes!  However, there is an element that really surprises me about the path I have found myself on.  I had always tried to think outside the box.  I had always yearned for a somewhat unconventional lifestyle.  

This year, we embarked on a purchase of a new home.  In a subdivision.  Hmmmm.. not so sure how I feel about that.  I will get back to you on that one.  I had tried to convince my husband of a one year retreat to B.C. but it was kabashed due to his own need for a sense of security.  I get that.  Having said that, I think we sometimes need to push outside our comfort zones to test the waters and see if we are pleasantly surprised.  Life is a gamble and it is too short, that is for darn sure.  It is also about compromisng with your partner....

I still daydream about a time when I will be strolling down a beach in Western Canada, feeling as free as a bird... with my children splashing in the ocean and my husband's hand in mine.  I look forward to a time when courage will see us embark on a little adventure we can call our own-- even if only for a short while. 

I wish for a time.