It has been drawn to my attention that parenthood has altered me in a big way. I am mean, duh! You think! Gone are the days where I would pack up a couple of items for an impromptu road trip--destination unknown. Better yet, decide to move away to a new city just because I needed to shake things up a bit!
My life seems to have taken on a much more rigid flavour than a girl like me would ever dream of! Schedules, multi-tasking, girls’ night outs that have to be marked on the calendar 3 months in advance, practical spending habits that were already too practical to begin with, a division of head space that is usually consumed with kids, kids and more kids.
My husband has gently urged me to pick up a fictional book in my spare time. Ha! I laugh out loud at the quick fix approach men tend to offer to help a woman escape reality. I am a woman who has somehow lost herself through her travels of motherhood. How did this happen anyway? Have five years really passed?
I shudder at the thought that I have not read a single novel (a favourite past-time of mine pre-motherhood) and my fixation with fact-finding, how-to manuals and parenting bibles now. I laugh to myself when I actually have to do self-talk while on a date with friends to ensure that I don’t overdose on Mommy talk or worse, forget how to engage in an adult conversation and get caught up in the silence, the golden silence that my ears are no longer accustomed to.
It hasn’t all been bad! Truly! I am a wife and mom like millions of other Canadian women out there who has taken a time-out from the “rat race” only to find myself in a “Mouse trap” of being with kiddies and their sweet board games all day! Trust me, life has offered me an abundance of blessings and I am especially grateful for my loving family who need me. Bottom line is, I need me too!
It has taken me a long time to get where I am today. “What now?”, I ask myself in the mirror as I scramble to brush my teeth and hair as a new day unfolds. “Is that a new crease in my forehead?” I never had frown lines before! Not ever!
It only stands to reason that when you put all your eggs in one basket, the basket wears down by its weight and it eventually starts to give. Before you know it, there are eggs spilling onto the floor and making an unsightly mess! You then have to think of an alternate arrangement.. Perhaps weaving some baskets to allow the proper distribution of eggs would do the trick. They will preserve the life of the baskets for starters, they will all weigh the same and they will be replenished accordingly. A perfect solution!
I am not a cliche kind of girl but for this visualization exercise I will ask you to imagine 4 baskets. One is labelled Children, Husband, Friends/Family and the last My Whole Self. Perhaps this will be an honest reminder to make a concerted effort to distribute my efforts equally to all of these baskets.