I was talked into a king size bed by my hubby this week. Price tag- you don't wanna know! I mean, this was a small fortune but I have been assured that we won't have to buy another one for some time. I should think not! If one part of the bed suddenly gives, we have plenty of mattress to last us a life-time!
Reasons I am not convinced this was a good idea:
a) I am not sure if I will ever get used to having a step-stool beside my bed
b) I won't be able to afford new sheets. We better take care of the ones we bought and sleep on bare mattress when they're in the wash!
c) I already have "bed head" in the morning, let alone the wind blown look because the ceiling fan suddenly feels really close!
d) My husband was actually disappointed when he saw it because he thought it would be bigger- OMG! The man wants the bed to accommodate his wing span!
e) Not only is there plenty of room for the both of us, G. can have a harem and be the big Babba! NOT going to happen. Ever.
f) I have lost my night-table because there is no space left in the room. You walk in to one big BED-ROOM literally. It is a room with a BED. That's it. Pretty much.
Enough reasons? Ahhhhhh!
Friday, January 19, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
My Sister
I have never had someone write a story about me. Today, I checked my sister's blog and there it was. I have asked other family members if I can display some of their writing here because it seems to be something a few of us enjoy. To reflect and to write.
I share this with you not in an attempt to "self congratulate" but rather to show you just how wonderful it is to have someone know you completely like only a sister could. In reading this, I also have come to understand that I guess we really do develop our personalities at a young age and the more things change, the more they stay the same. Thanks Care for giving me a tender glimpse of what it was like growing up with me. WOW. I love you forever and a day.
Some siblings don't find friendship and unconditional love in their lot, in eachother. But I am a lucky one. I have. It is strong bond with my one and only. Her name is Laura. Isn't that a pretty name? Old fashioned but Classic. Humble but Elegant. Welcoming and Down to Earth. And named after the middle name of our Grandmother. So she is well named. As a little girl, I thought of her as my own dolly much of the time,Thumbalina as my Mom called her. A doll that I could feed real pie to, and she loved it. And so the nickname PieFace from our Dad.
I remember right from the beginning of her. I remember she smiled easily and her face always looked happy. Even when she cried, she'd smile. I remember her eyes welling up when she was happy to see me. Thankfully, that was often. And for some strange reason I seemed to understand what that was back then,that it was happiness. I knew she was happy and I 'd tell her that..." Yes, your happy to see me, aren't you Laura? "Lunch times of chicken noodle soup in pink plastic bowls,and Laura having to be tied into the big kids chair is a vision I still recall easily. And she was always braver than I for being the younger of the two of us. She jokes about me scaring her with the "hamburgler"but honestly, she wasn't afraid of much. When I was too chicken to go down the basement and get potatoes from the fruit cellar, I could always convince her to do it for me. Convincing her was usually in the form of a threat to tell about her and Stefan kissing,but it saved me many times from having to go down those stairs and it worked for years...until she confessed to our mother that she kissed that Stefan.
For years we abandoned our own rooms and slept in the spare room together. Again, I was a chicken. I'd beg her to sleep in the spare room just one more night. And she always did. And she put up with a lot, I peed the bed till I was 11. I only remember her complaining once and that was the time I blamed her for the wet bed.
Laura was a bit of a tomboy growing up. Was never fond of hair brushings usually quite dirty from a full day of outside play and just ...always up to things. If she wasn't clearing the nicknacks out of my room thinking I'd never notice them in her room, she'd have some concoction in the blender, some lost animal hidden in her room, or she was organizing some "Main Event" andputting all her little friends to work while she gave orders.
She'd have a new friend daily. She could meet a new friend anywhere. At the park, bike riding or just walking up that long street Norway Ave. but she'd bring them home for supper. And she'd sit smiling from ear to ear at them at the supper table, telling stories and offering them her last bite of food. She was good friend with many, many of them. The kind of kid that would smile at you with a fondness in her eye that made you feel like you were the best friend ever. She still has that little Beav smile,the one where her eyebrow raises just a tad and her cheeks indent in the lower corners.Yes, I know my sister well, from her smile right down to her feet.
Scavenger hunts,hikes that lasted until dark,and night long games of hide and seekand kick baseball,sleepovers and theme parties were part of her personality. And still are. To me, Laura was a little girl that you had to call 20 times to come in for supper,she never sat still to eat proper,and in minutes she was out playing again. She was extremely easy going most times but she had a temper and could beat the molasses out of me. I deserved it becausefor some reason I got a kick out of teasing her. It was usually about her height, she was always the tallest girl in her class or her big feet ( I am sooo sorry for that Laura). I'd tease her until she got to the point of her red explosive face and then I regretted it. A straight and thorough hair pulling (her famous move)never stopped me from egging her on the next day though so, like I said I deserved it.
She was always a helper of mankind from a very younge age. She loved older people, and animals and earthy things for as long as I can remember. I am quite sure she would still climb a tree in a dress. She has always been strong and brave,and would stand up to anyone,or any cause she believed in. She was a born leader. As she grew up,her fiesty stayed but sometimes bossy personality softened. It only comes out when experiencing bad service or injustice towards her fellow man. She is still full of mischief andonly last week scared the molasses of out of my son,just for kicks.
She learns best hands on, by doing it, not being told how to do it. But rolling up her sleeves and trial and error. She is a wife and a mother now. And a great one. But she is so, still that little girl,that loved playing tricks,getting dirty,and eating pie, one sliver of each kind.
And being the very best person she knows how to be. Herself.
By Carrie
I share this with you not in an attempt to "self congratulate" but rather to show you just how wonderful it is to have someone know you completely like only a sister could. In reading this, I also have come to understand that I guess we really do develop our personalities at a young age and the more things change, the more they stay the same. Thanks Care for giving me a tender glimpse of what it was like growing up with me. WOW. I love you forever and a day.
Some siblings don't find friendship and unconditional love in their lot, in eachother. But I am a lucky one. I have. It is strong bond with my one and only. Her name is Laura. Isn't that a pretty name? Old fashioned but Classic. Humble but Elegant. Welcoming and Down to Earth. And named after the middle name of our Grandmother. So she is well named. As a little girl, I thought of her as my own dolly much of the time,Thumbalina as my Mom called her. A doll that I could feed real pie to, and she loved it. And so the nickname PieFace from our Dad.
I remember right from the beginning of her. I remember she smiled easily and her face always looked happy. Even when she cried, she'd smile. I remember her eyes welling up when she was happy to see me. Thankfully, that was often. And for some strange reason I seemed to understand what that was back then,that it was happiness. I knew she was happy and I 'd tell her that..." Yes, your happy to see me, aren't you Laura? "Lunch times of chicken noodle soup in pink plastic bowls,and Laura having to be tied into the big kids chair is a vision I still recall easily. And she was always braver than I for being the younger of the two of us. She jokes about me scaring her with the "hamburgler"but honestly, she wasn't afraid of much. When I was too chicken to go down the basement and get potatoes from the fruit cellar, I could always convince her to do it for me. Convincing her was usually in the form of a threat to tell about her and Stefan kissing,but it saved me many times from having to go down those stairs and it worked for years...until she confessed to our mother that she kissed that Stefan.
For years we abandoned our own rooms and slept in the spare room together. Again, I was a chicken. I'd beg her to sleep in the spare room just one more night. And she always did. And she put up with a lot, I peed the bed till I was 11. I only remember her complaining once and that was the time I blamed her for the wet bed.
Laura was a bit of a tomboy growing up. Was never fond of hair brushings usually quite dirty from a full day of outside play and just ...always up to things. If she wasn't clearing the nicknacks out of my room thinking I'd never notice them in her room, she'd have some concoction in the blender, some lost animal hidden in her room, or she was organizing some "Main Event" andputting all her little friends to work while she gave orders.
She'd have a new friend daily. She could meet a new friend anywhere. At the park, bike riding or just walking up that long street Norway Ave. but she'd bring them home for supper. And she'd sit smiling from ear to ear at them at the supper table, telling stories and offering them her last bite of food. She was good friend with many, many of them. The kind of kid that would smile at you with a fondness in her eye that made you feel like you were the best friend ever. She still has that little Beav smile,the one where her eyebrow raises just a tad and her cheeks indent in the lower corners.Yes, I know my sister well, from her smile right down to her feet.
Scavenger hunts,hikes that lasted until dark,and night long games of hide and seekand kick baseball,sleepovers and theme parties were part of her personality. And still are. To me, Laura was a little girl that you had to call 20 times to come in for supper,she never sat still to eat proper,and in minutes she was out playing again. She was extremely easy going most times but she had a temper and could beat the molasses out of me. I deserved it becausefor some reason I got a kick out of teasing her. It was usually about her height, she was always the tallest girl in her class or her big feet ( I am sooo sorry for that Laura). I'd tease her until she got to the point of her red explosive face and then I regretted it. A straight and thorough hair pulling (her famous move)never stopped me from egging her on the next day though so, like I said I deserved it.
She was always a helper of mankind from a very younge age. She loved older people, and animals and earthy things for as long as I can remember. I am quite sure she would still climb a tree in a dress. She has always been strong and brave,and would stand up to anyone,or any cause she believed in. She was a born leader. As she grew up,her fiesty stayed but sometimes bossy personality softened. It only comes out when experiencing bad service or injustice towards her fellow man. She is still full of mischief andonly last week scared the molasses of out of my son,just for kicks.
She learns best hands on, by doing it, not being told how to do it. But rolling up her sleeves and trial and error. She is a wife and a mother now. And a great one. But she is so, still that little girl,that loved playing tricks,getting dirty,and eating pie, one sliver of each kind.
And being the very best person she knows how to be. Herself.
By Carrie
Sunday, January 14, 2007
what do you wanna be when you grow up?
When I grow up, I want to be.....
Well, for most of us this sentence isn't realized. It is put off, second guessed, ruled out and other times ridiculed or ignored. For others, it gets tweaked a bit and only a select few really become that person we wanted to be when we grew up. I know for me this changed a lot through the years but the general theme was to work with people and to serve them well in some small way.
When I was a little girl, aside from the typical "I wanna be a teacher or veterinarian", I knew that I wanted to try to make a difference in people's lives. I used to say "I want to help people with their problems", not knowing the precise title or occupation that entailed.
Later, I learned this resembled the occupation of a social service worker but it could also mean family member or friend because they, too, need to be helped out with their problems (I did too at the best of times).
I suppose you could say I followed my dream. I know some people felt I wouldn't be compensated well enough from a financial stand-point to deal with such challenges. My response - that's not what this was about. It was to help people. However, in hindsight, the people I worked with actually "helped" me. They helped me find my way.
I learned to be humble. I learned compassion. I learned about human nature in all of its glory and defeat. I learned best by doing, be seeing, by witnessing, by listening. I began my career wanting to save the world. I took on way too much at times, I lost lots of sleep, I shed tears, I had trouble drawing clear boundaries when I wanted to go to the endth for people. I learned about people's struggles with codependency, healing and truth. I learned that we really are equals in this world - the same vulnerable human beings who fear the same things and want the same things out of life. I learned that people's choices were their own and most importantly, I had to learn that it really wasn't about me.
I gave people their power back. I put it back in their laps when they wanted me to make their decisions for them, I held their hand when they faced their fears, I celebrated them when they rose to the occasion of life and moved out of the darkness. I waved goodbye when it was time and I was a refined "ice breaker". I was just my plain old real self and it worked with most people. I learned to have a reliable sense of humour when things went array and I learned to forgive myself when I made mistakes.
Eventually, I went from amateur and naive helper of people to a more self-assured and seasoned veteran. I learned when to say yes and when to say no and when to walk away from situations that may put me at risk.
I have been afforded the opportunity to have worked with over 1000 people in my career! I have been threatened a dozen times, sworn at frequently but hugged more often. Now I have decided it's time to hang up my hat and call it a day.
"If you love and serve man, you cannot, by any hiding or stratagem, escape remuneration".
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well, for most of us this sentence isn't realized. It is put off, second guessed, ruled out and other times ridiculed or ignored. For others, it gets tweaked a bit and only a select few really become that person we wanted to be when we grew up. I know for me this changed a lot through the years but the general theme was to work with people and to serve them well in some small way.
When I was a little girl, aside from the typical "I wanna be a teacher or veterinarian", I knew that I wanted to try to make a difference in people's lives. I used to say "I want to help people with their problems", not knowing the precise title or occupation that entailed.
Later, I learned this resembled the occupation of a social service worker but it could also mean family member or friend because they, too, need to be helped out with their problems (I did too at the best of times).
I suppose you could say I followed my dream. I know some people felt I wouldn't be compensated well enough from a financial stand-point to deal with such challenges. My response - that's not what this was about. It was to help people. However, in hindsight, the people I worked with actually "helped" me. They helped me find my way.
I learned to be humble. I learned compassion. I learned about human nature in all of its glory and defeat. I learned best by doing, be seeing, by witnessing, by listening. I began my career wanting to save the world. I took on way too much at times, I lost lots of sleep, I shed tears, I had trouble drawing clear boundaries when I wanted to go to the endth for people. I learned about people's struggles with codependency, healing and truth. I learned that we really are equals in this world - the same vulnerable human beings who fear the same things and want the same things out of life. I learned that people's choices were their own and most importantly, I had to learn that it really wasn't about me.
I gave people their power back. I put it back in their laps when they wanted me to make their decisions for them, I held their hand when they faced their fears, I celebrated them when they rose to the occasion of life and moved out of the darkness. I waved goodbye when it was time and I was a refined "ice breaker". I was just my plain old real self and it worked with most people. I learned to have a reliable sense of humour when things went array and I learned to forgive myself when I made mistakes.
Eventually, I went from amateur and naive helper of people to a more self-assured and seasoned veteran. I learned when to say yes and when to say no and when to walk away from situations that may put me at risk.
I have been afforded the opportunity to have worked with over 1000 people in my career! I have been threatened a dozen times, sworn at frequently but hugged more often. Now I have decided it's time to hang up my hat and call it a day.
"If you love and serve man, you cannot, by any hiding or stratagem, escape remuneration".
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friday, January 12, 2007
Feeding Time!!
Today after getting a pep talk and some solid advice from my best friend Siobbhan (Godess and Mother of two), I arrived at a good conclusion- it's time. The baby has put me through the ringer the last week waking up through the night and re-claiming newborn status with the need to be fed every two hours!! Cluster feeding aka growth spurt for this little babe. I am persevering but I think this baby is trying to tell us something- he needs more!! We gave him his first taste of cereal tonight and boy did he love it! He was so excited he went cross-eyed and squeeled with delight. Furthermore, he did not reject it and we couldn't get the spoon in his mouth quick enough. As you can see from the pictures, it was not long before he took over. The spoon was in his hand as he smothered it all over his face mostly but eventually it made it to its destination! Yummy for him and so delightful to watch!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
lions and tigers and bears
The Wizard of Oz is my favourite movie of all times. I don't think it will ever be replaced.
The singing, the dancing, the performing, the magic of it all.
As I have said before, if I were any one of these characters, I would play the lion and ask for courage. Why? Everyone needs a great dose of courage in this life.
Sometimes I am afraid of my own shadow and its capabilities. I have to ponder things from all angles and analyze the molasses of out it. (note: I am trying to use more appropriate language since it's so easy to use filler words like crap- ooops, I said it).
May I trust my gut more. A recent study said you really should go with what your gut tells you. Often times, people ignore what their instincts have told them. I will listen to you more, gut. I promise. You are right most times. I value you.
Sometimes I fear the unknown. What does it matter- it's going to happen anyway! Instead, may I try to embrace the unknown and know that I have more control over my own outcomes than I realize. I must breathe good things and feel good things and they will happen. Forget about wasting my money on fortune tellers, I may get good enough and be able to forecast my own fate. In addition, may I just enjoy the here and now. Often times, I look way too far ahead. By the time I get actually physically get to that time, I am way past that concern and it's irrelevant. I have moved onto other things.
Most times I fear loss. This is a big one. I must work really hard at this. Why is it that I think about this way too much? I know it's big for most people but it's really big for me. Some things we just don't have control over and the inevitable happens. We loose things that matter to us- people and things. People obviously being the important one here. If I could gather up all of the courage from OZ, I would get better at this. It will take some time.
I will just follow the yellow brick road and find me some courage.
The singing, the dancing, the performing, the magic of it all.
As I have said before, if I were any one of these characters, I would play the lion and ask for courage. Why? Everyone needs a great dose of courage in this life.
Sometimes I am afraid of my own shadow and its capabilities. I have to ponder things from all angles and analyze the molasses of out it. (note: I am trying to use more appropriate language since it's so easy to use filler words like crap- ooops, I said it).
May I trust my gut more. A recent study said you really should go with what your gut tells you. Often times, people ignore what their instincts have told them. I will listen to you more, gut. I promise. You are right most times. I value you.
Sometimes I fear the unknown. What does it matter- it's going to happen anyway! Instead, may I try to embrace the unknown and know that I have more control over my own outcomes than I realize. I must breathe good things and feel good things and they will happen. Forget about wasting my money on fortune tellers, I may get good enough and be able to forecast my own fate. In addition, may I just enjoy the here and now. Often times, I look way too far ahead. By the time I get actually physically get to that time, I am way past that concern and it's irrelevant. I have moved onto other things.
Most times I fear loss. This is a big one. I must work really hard at this. Why is it that I think about this way too much? I know it's big for most people but it's really big for me. Some things we just don't have control over and the inevitable happens. We loose things that matter to us- people and things. People obviously being the important one here. If I could gather up all of the courage from OZ, I would get better at this. It will take some time.
I will just follow the yellow brick road and find me some courage.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
the price of a miracle
I stared at the shoes on the shelf in front of me. "...none of these are Bass Weejuns, Dad!" I exclaimed. "Well, there's plenty of choice here", he said. "Pick one that looks like them - these are penny loafers."I was feeling so frustrated, so angry, so humiliated. Why did I have to have wider feet than the average gal. Why did I have to shop in an old lady's shoe store - Naturalizer's was not the place I wanted to be!
I apprehensively selected a black pair of "fake" penny loafers. I will be the laughing stock of the school, I imagined. We left the store and my stomach began to ache as I anticipated the thought of having to actually wear the darn things.
Next day comes. I wear my winter boots and shove the new shoes into my knapsack. I get on the bus and sit beside my friend Sandy. I began telling her the story as I am distracted mid-sentence. There across from me is a preppy girl sitting with her legs crossed. On foot- the shiniest, most beautiful pair of new Bass Weejuns. They were burgundy with tassels. I stared at them in awe, as I told my friend the saga of my new fake shoes. She and I both looked down at our feet and up again at each other and smiled. Almost a reassuring smile that said "We're in this together." Neither of us had an authentic pair of Weejuns.
I arrived at my locker- Brebeuf High School. Grade nine. Students distracted and rushing the halls, I pulled on the shoes and threw my boots into my locker. I began walking. If there was any way I could have hid my feet, I would have. They felt like they were 5 feet long. All I could see were my sorry looking shoes. I suddenly felt weak. I quickly walked into my home-room class. Science. We had lab seats - you know, high stools. Great, I now had to sit with them displayed so the whole world could see them! I put my head down until the teacher commenced our lab lesson. The end of the day drew near and I was longing to be back at my locker switching into my boots for the long bus ride home. It had been a very long day. Thank God, that cute Grade 10 guy Sean didn't come to class today. I seek him out always and today I played it real low key.
Sandy and I hopped on the bus and before I knew it, it was time to say good-bye. My stop was next so I stood at the bus door talking to her about our plans for the upcoming dance. There was no way I would wear these shoes to the dance. School was bad enough. I waved good-bye and off I went. I walked home from the bus stop practically dragging my knapsack behind. I still had my lunch from today. There was no way I had any appetite. Maybe I would go on a hunger strike to prove a point to my Dad that this was one of the most devastating experiences in my life. Maybe he would give in and buy me a new pair of shoes.
The next day came. I went through the motions. I never did homework in the ninth grade so it was not abnormal to leave my knapsack untouched in the evenings. Something was different. As I pulled out my lunch from the day before and replaced it with my new lunch, I peered inside. "Wait a minute," I said to myself. I was missing a shoe. This couldn't be! Maybe it fell out onto the floor as I emptied it. I looked around. Panic mixed with excitement. The shoe was gone!! I now had only one terrible shoe. I was going to be late for the bus! I had to think quick. I grabbed for another pair out of the closet and rushed out the door. I would look for the shoe after school. I am sure it will turn up.
Days went by and the shoe was still missing in action. My father glared at me from the corner of his eye in disbelief and did not buy my story- AT ALL. How could I have lost one shoe? I wondered the same thing. I had very mixed emotions. My father knew how much I hated those shoes but I knew they weren't cheap. I felt bad. I felt worried. I felt happy. I felt relieved. Months passed and the shoe was never found. It must have fallen out of my knapsack when I was walking home on that infamous day. Someone was looking out for me. It was a miracle but it left me feeling somewhat torn. My credibility remained in question but I really did loose that shoe- innocently at that.
The price of a miracle, I suppose.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Steeltown
"There's no place like home" - Judy Garland
I am proud to say that the Steeltown is my home-town. I moved away six years ago but it's only been recently that I view Hamilton in a different light. I have many memories of the city. Mostly good but some bad. When I left, I felt it was time to experience life outside the place that had been home to me for 26 years. I have no regrets but I do get home sick from time to time. Though I still remain in Southern Ontario and not too far from home, I crave spontaneous moments with family and friends. I used to love dropping in to see people on a whim, going for coffee with a friend I bumped into at the mall or calling my mom crying that I had a bad day and she would be racing over to rescue me in a moment's notice. Now visits have to be much more coordinated. The benefit of living away is that you can have ample amounts of slumber parties though and be an overnight guest often. It is great fun!
For a time, my heart-strings were often tugged at when I returned to the city. I would reach my destinations and complete any business or visiting I had and then it would be time to depart. I would rarely just cruise around because there were so many places that would remind me of this memory or that person and so much has changed. It would be difficult to go down memory lane - probably because I just wasn't ready for it. I knew the time would come.
This past week, I needed a fix. January does this to me. It is often a very reflective and sentimental month for me. I imagine because we have entered a new year.
I drove around the city yesterday from west to east, north to south. Though it was just baby and I on this joy ride and he didn't understand much, I still talked aloud and narrated a few points of interest. I savoured the ride. I smiled most of the time. I actually laughed out loud a few times too. I also cried. Alot in fact. Not tears of sorrow but just plain old thankfulness. I passed a bus stop where I had my first kiss with my first love. A bench where I sat and shared skittles with a homeless man named. A park where I attended my first outdoor music concert without adult supervision- Jane Sibery at the Festival of Friends. We got her autograph and my sister cried! The hospital that I was born which overlooks the city. The cute little house where my Dad was raised in the north end. I could still see my Grandmother on the porch waving goodbye. The old restaurant my parents used to run on Barton Street. The old Consumer's Distributing Store where I would pick up the catalogues for my "Wish List" every year. The small street that I thought was named after my Uncle Lorne. The hill that my best friend and I would zoom down on our crazy carpets. It seemed so big back then! I also passed the cemetary where some of my friends and family are laid to rest. I passed my old Catholic Girls High School that has now been converted into a nursing home. Oh my goodness, the old variety store that I used to buy bags of penny candy was now boarded up. Oh there's that old pizzeria where my sister and I used to work and where she met her high school sweetheart and future husband. I could smell the yummy italian aroma as I drove by. I passed the market that I occassionally used to go to with my Grandma on Saturday mornings. The bar that I used to frequent with many good friends on Friday nights is still there. The college that I attended for two years has expanded. So many memories. So many great moments in my home-town. A place I will love returning to often. A place I will always call "home."
Thank you Hamilton. You have been good to me.
Monday, January 01, 2007
our planet, our earth...
January always has me thinking about the bigger picture for some reason. Our world and our place in it. Have you ever begun to imagine that for every care or concern we own, there are a million, trillion other ones being created in the minds of others outside of ourselves?
It is easy to be self-consumed. Good or bad. We seem to think we have the best of blessings and the worst of sorrows. This blog is a perfect example. While I use it to get things off my chest, I always use it as a forum to pronounce my gratitudes, my fears and my cares in the world. Today I will think for one moment outside of myself. If we all did this, that is, to think outside of ourselves for one given moment, what would that amount to?
It would be a whole lot of energy used towards expanding our level of consciousness. Sometimes its easier to keep our world small and simple because its safer. I encourage you to keep doing that because I think if we allowed the big picture to stare us in the face for too long, we would all go mad.
Look for beautiful things to surround yourself with. Be gracious. Be kind. Most of all, take some time to contribute to the greater good though. If we all make an effort to improve our planet, perhaps it will pay off a little bit.
Who am I?
I am a woman. I am someone's daughter. I am a baby boy's mother. I am a taurus. I am loyal but sometimes stubborn. I like to daydream. I am mostly joyful. I am a lover of the outdoors, wildlife, art, music and babies. I am a believer. I am a good cook, housekeeper and play-mate. I have a dislike for small talk and left-overs. My passion for justice can sometimes be exhausting. My mom says I am her baby. I feel discouraged about the way the world is going. I feel excited about chocolate and what I want out of life. I feel blessed for having an amusing family and some pretty fascinating friends. I am fearful of loss. I am grateful for knowing peace and love. I am saddened by violence but encouraged by compassion. I am inconsistent at times. I am always hopeful. I am still afraid of the "boogey man." I love cheesey pizza too much. I enjoy picnics in the park. I love the shade but adore the sunshine. I ride my bicycle with no hands sometimes. I smile alot and try not too frown too often. I am a student of life. I love ice-cream but I am lactose intolerant. I still eat it though once in a while. I could loose a few pounds but I am strong. I like myself. I miss my dog and my cat. I was married once before. I have no regrets. I am married again. This time I am committed to "for better or for worse" and everything beautiful in between. My dad says as a kid, I was a defender of the underdog. I still am. I don't read enough but when I do, I savour the last chapter and grieve the end of the book for a couple of days before I start a new one. I learn best by doing. I fall alot but I always get up, dust myself off and try again. I love to dance. I have suffered from depression. I believe in earth angels. I have one very charasmatic sister. I don't save money very well but I live well within my means. I enjoy food and wine and good company. I love to hear stories- especially true ones. I am not always on time. I worry too much sometimes. I respect my elders. I love whole heartedly. I try to speak less and listen more. I hate shopping for clothes but love shopping for anything else! I love pottery. I respect the environment. I answer to Pie-face, Beav, Lola, Girlee and Ms. Sensible Shoes.
Nice to meet you 2007
If 2007 were in fact a person this is what I would say to him/her. Hello 2007, it's very nice to meet you.
Though I don't know you very well yet, I consider you to be very important in my life. I hope you are generous, compassionate, thoughtful, wise, conscientious and fortifying to people I love. I hope you afford us lots of time to get to know you before you are gone and replaced by someone called 2008. I hope you can be well spent and economical. I hope you are gentle with people's hearts. I hope you are filled with calm and splendor.
I hope we can make beautiful memories with you 2007.
Happy travels. May your journey be bright!
Though I don't know you very well yet, I consider you to be very important in my life. I hope you are generous, compassionate, thoughtful, wise, conscientious and fortifying to people I love. I hope you afford us lots of time to get to know you before you are gone and replaced by someone called 2008. I hope you can be well spent and economical. I hope you are gentle with people's hearts. I hope you are filled with calm and splendor.
I hope we can make beautiful memories with you 2007.
Happy travels. May your journey be bright!
Friday, December 22, 2006
on death and dying
Why is everyone afraid to talk about this subject like I am? I have challenged myself to face things that make me uncomfortable and explore it further in an effort to make peace with my uneasiness.
I attended the funeral of my friend's mother this week. She was only 51. Too young. Too beautiful. Too needed. One can never make sense of this kind of loss but try to get beyond the initial shock and pain and somehow learn to get on with life in some way. You never get on with life, you just learn to deal with the loss the best you can.
I looked into a man's eyes today that installed a window in our house. He was the nicest man. As he was leaving, he wished me a Merry Christmas. I returned the sentiment and as he was turning away to leave, he muffled "I sure hope next year is better than this one." I don't think he expected me to inquire but I did. I always do. "Why, did you not have a good year?", I asked. He went on to tell me he had lost his wife, his son, his father, his cat and his dog all in the last two years. I gasped. This man needed to talk. I needed to listen. As we stood in the doorway, I learned this man had just recently buried his son who was only 32 years of age. The grief this man was enduring must be over the top. His doctor encouraged him to take some pills to help him cope. I was appalled. Doctors are too quick to want to prescribe a pill for everything these days- even grief. Grief needs to be felt, to be heard and to be healed. It's all a process. I participated in part of his process today. I was glad. He sighed and started to cry on my doorstep. I squeezed his hand and he thanked me for listening. I thanked him for sharing. He went on his way.
Christmas may be a happy time for kids and adults alike but it is painful for people who are missing their loved ones. Instead of thinking of ourselves all the time, be aware that we may be passing someone who is suffering in the mall or on the street. We may be passing someone who is feeling lonely or lost. Pay attention and be compassionate. Always. Not just at Christmas time.
I attended the funeral of my friend's mother this week. She was only 51. Too young. Too beautiful. Too needed. One can never make sense of this kind of loss but try to get beyond the initial shock and pain and somehow learn to get on with life in some way. You never get on with life, you just learn to deal with the loss the best you can.
I looked into a man's eyes today that installed a window in our house. He was the nicest man. As he was leaving, he wished me a Merry Christmas. I returned the sentiment and as he was turning away to leave, he muffled "I sure hope next year is better than this one." I don't think he expected me to inquire but I did. I always do. "Why, did you not have a good year?", I asked. He went on to tell me he had lost his wife, his son, his father, his cat and his dog all in the last two years. I gasped. This man needed to talk. I needed to listen. As we stood in the doorway, I learned this man had just recently buried his son who was only 32 years of age. The grief this man was enduring must be over the top. His doctor encouraged him to take some pills to help him cope. I was appalled. Doctors are too quick to want to prescribe a pill for everything these days- even grief. Grief needs to be felt, to be heard and to be healed. It's all a process. I participated in part of his process today. I was glad. He sighed and started to cry on my doorstep. I squeezed his hand and he thanked me for listening. I thanked him for sharing. He went on his way.
Christmas may be a happy time for kids and adults alike but it is painful for people who are missing their loved ones. Instead of thinking of ourselves all the time, be aware that we may be passing someone who is suffering in the mall or on the street. We may be passing someone who is feeling lonely or lost. Pay attention and be compassionate. Always. Not just at Christmas time.
Mr. Beasley
I lost a best friend of mine years ago when we moved to a new home.
Mrs. Beasley, or Mrs. B -
first name unknown and unimportant.
Mrs. B was my pal.
I often wonder where the dear soul ended up,
I presume somewhere between Moxley Crt.
and Burris St.
Indeed, I'd never suggest my mother somehow helped her find her way into the garbage.
I would never do that. But as my Ma will admit herself, she has a way of these type of accidents happening.
I don't blame anyone, especially now that I have kids. You tell them to pick up their toys one too may times , and all prized possessions become vulnerable. What seems like garbage to a parent, is a sacred keepsake to a child, regardless of how dirty and gooey, and so it should be.
Needless to say, Original Mrs. Beasley was lost.
I convinced myself that somehow Mrs B. found her way into a needy child's arms to live happily ever after, once she fell off the moving truck.
A few years ago, I came into possession of Mrs. Beasley again. It was delightful. The marvels of e-Bay !
Although she was exactly as I remembered her : frizzy yellow hair, blue and white polka dot outfit, fancy bib and 2 pairs of granny glasses...1 for special days, the gold ones with real glass, and black spectacles without glass for everyday... she paled in comparison to my original.
The smell of playdough, cookies and sisterly goo was gone from her. She is a more pristine version of my best friend from years gone by; but, I enjoy our reunion and let my children play with her whenever they like, in hope that the kid smells come back.
In September I became and Aunt to a most darling little boy, Fischer.
I have still not found the words to describe my love for this little person. Much like a child of my own, but without the pressure ! The best of both worlds I suppose.
And as an unexpected bonus to Aunthood, he fits into Mrs. Beasley's everyday glasses perfectly !
As a little girl, I always longed to know the Mister of Mrs. Beasley.... that was always a mystery to me. Where was Mr. Beasley ?
Well, I found him...... Fischer E. Beasley.
How do you do Sir ?
- by Carrie M.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
tree of hope
My tree of hope is located on my street. Whoever took the time to line this tree full of lights was a saint! It glistens and lights up the entire street! The picture really doesn't do it justice. My hopes for the upcoming year...
- to avoid gossip.
- to give thanks at meal-times and never say "I'm starving" because I truly don't know what that feels like and I hope I never will.
- to make time for people I love.to look in the mirror and make funny faces at myself often and embrace my laugh lines.
- to end my day with sigh of gratefulness.
- to always look out for people who may feel lost and help them find their way.
- to never turn down an opportunity to have a big belly laugh (minus the belly) which leads to my next wish... to love the skin I'm in but make more efforts to lead a healthier/active life.
- to always remain humble and grounded with the belief that we are all equals.
- to challenge myself to face and conquer at least one fear this upcoming year.
- to have more patience with telemarketers and salespeople- they need to earn a living too.
- to afford myself the luxury of chocolate only once a week.
- to spend less but feel more enriched than money can buy.
- to make a new tradition with my hubby that we must stop, sit and kiss on benches we may come across in our travels.
- to adore this growing baby of ours each and every single day of our lives.
- to continue to do things for myself that nurture my mind, body and spirit.
- to actively engage with young people and know what's on their minds.
- to promote myself to people who need a listening ear.
- to give my Grandma much time to talk about herself when I am in her company.
- to never stop believing in miracles and that the human spirit is still alive.
- to be me. to know what's best. to contribute to the greater good.
2007 is just another year that has to be savoured and not wasted. Live your life well.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
friends are like flowers
"Friends are like flowers, beautiful flowers,
friends are like flowers in the garden of life.
Are you a daisy, are you a rose, are you a dandelion?
You can be what you'll be, I'll be what I am.
We will be friends in the garden of life."
I used to sing this song in grade 4. I would sing at the top of my lungs, together with my classmates. I thought if I sang as loud as I could, it would hold more meaning and my dear friends would know how I felt about them. I used to look around the classroom as I sang it aloud and smile at my friends while I sang my heart out. Today, I still sing the song. I believe friends are truly like flowers. They all represent something different in your life. They are all unique and colourful in their own way-adding up to one beautiful bouquet.
I consider myself to be much like a dandelion. This particular flower is a pest to some but tolerated by others! (hehe). I happen to love them because they are often overlooked! The colour yellow represents hope, cheer and sunshine. It also represents mellow yellow; someone who is laid back and relaxed. On the negative side yellow can also mean cowardly. Yes, I am fearful and cowardly at times. If I were to visit the land of OZ, I, too, would ask for courage like the cowardly lion. Dandelions are resiliant, resourceful and can adapt to most conditions. They are hardy, stubborn and steadfast. It takes a lot to get rid of them! A dandelion might not be as pretty as a rose but nevertheless, they are nice to look at.
friends are like flowers in the garden of life.
Are you a daisy, are you a rose, are you a dandelion?
You can be what you'll be, I'll be what I am.
We will be friends in the garden of life."
I used to sing this song in grade 4. I would sing at the top of my lungs, together with my classmates. I thought if I sang as loud as I could, it would hold more meaning and my dear friends would know how I felt about them. I used to look around the classroom as I sang it aloud and smile at my friends while I sang my heart out. Today, I still sing the song. I believe friends are truly like flowers. They all represent something different in your life. They are all unique and colourful in their own way-adding up to one beautiful bouquet.
I consider myself to be much like a dandelion. This particular flower is a pest to some but tolerated by others! (hehe). I happen to love them because they are often overlooked! The colour yellow represents hope, cheer and sunshine. It also represents mellow yellow; someone who is laid back and relaxed. On the negative side yellow can also mean cowardly. Yes, I am fearful and cowardly at times. If I were to visit the land of OZ, I, too, would ask for courage like the cowardly lion. Dandelions are resiliant, resourceful and can adapt to most conditions. They are hardy, stubborn and steadfast. It takes a lot to get rid of them! A dandelion might not be as pretty as a rose but nevertheless, they are nice to look at.
Most of all, dandelions have strong roots that have healing properties. I hope in some way, I have a calming, healing affect on people. I think about my friends often. They are very important to me, despite what distances may be between us. Life gets busy and we don't often connect with eachother as much as we'd like. I carry each one of you with me though through this journey called life. Each of you are a precious flower to me that I won't take for granted. I will water our friendship and keep it in full bloom because you are such a part of me.
With Love & Friendship xoxoxo
With Love & Friendship xoxoxo
This is me with one of my very best friends.... I think she is a gerbera daisy.. my favourite flower of all.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Mommys and Angels
As I stared at our Christmas tree, I thought, "What the heck is missing?" I forgot to put the angel on it. It got me thinking. Rather than putting a stranger of an angel on our tree, I should somehow be putting my mother on top of our tree. What a better representative of an angel, I thought.Obviously, I cannot fit her on our tree nor do I think she'd want to hang out there all season long. I thought a good option might be to cut out a picture of her face and glue it over the angel's face that currently resides in a box. She is yearning to be put to work so she had better be okay with sharing her identity temporarily with my mother.
Truly, I cannot tell you how much I love this woman. She is an angel in my life who flutters around me daily when I cannot be with her. When I am with her, she lifts me off my feet with her presence.
When she first set eyes on Fischer, I could see what was happening before me. As she looked into my baby's eyes, she welled up with tears. She saw her baby girl all over again. That's me! I knew what she was thinking and she confirmed this. It must be a very unique experience to have another baby in your life that resembles your own child at birth. WoW. Powerful stuff.
Mom, I can't tell you how much I believe you are an angel on earth. God put you here to make people feel loved and to always see the good in people. You are the most sacred gift of all.
"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." - Lincoln
xoxoxox Your daughter xoxoxoxox
Sunday, December 17, 2006
my favourite Christmas specials...
As the season fast approaches, I got thinking....
Scrooge- how could I forget this Christmas memory! We'd spend many a Christmas Eve's with my father's uncle Johnny and his family in Grimsby. I would love to visit them. Judy, their daughter, was a little older than Carrie and I. We'd take note of her stylish clothes an
d hair-do's and be in awe of her. She was beautiful. We'd learn all the latest dances from her including the robot and some other fun disco moves. My Uncle Johnny and Aunt Teenie were very warm people. Their home was always so festive at Christmas time- lots of baked goods and candy/nuts in fancy dishes. I always had a hard time with the nut-cracker but Dad would help me out. I wasn't patient enough. Aunt Teenie would often sing or hum a lovely Christmas song in her glorious singing voice while Dad and Uncle Johnny would catch up on things. Scrooge would be on the television. Sometimes we'd watch all of it and other times it would be just playing in the background as we gabbed. It was nonetheless a wonderful tradition to enjoy with family. I always was a little spooked out by Scrooge and his pastey, ghostly complexion. This is one of my Dad's favourites!
Dick Clark's New Year's Celebration was the perfect end to the year! We'd stay with Grandma and Grandpa overnight while our parents usually went out to a big New Year's bash. Our wonderful routine consisted of a nice warm bubble bath, followed by getting into our cozy pj's (usually pink ones for me!) and lots of cuddle time with Grandpa on the couch while Grandma fixed us one of her home-made pizzas or sometimes we would order Chinese food from around the corner on Barton Street. The best in town, they claimed! We would get to sit with our TV trays in the living room and watch the special in the "big apple" where we'd watch the ball drop and ring in the new year with good old Dick! That wasn't the end of it though. Our grand finale after much kissing and well wishing with our Grandparents would be our annual pot banging performance on their front porch. We were encouraged to shout as loud as we could- "Happy New Year-r-r-r-r-r-r-" while Grandpa chuckled as he sipped on his first drink of the new year- usually a rye and ginger with lots of ice cubes.
Scrooge- how could I forget this Christmas memory! We'd spend many a Christmas Eve's with my father's uncle Johnny and his family in Grimsby. I would love to visit them. Judy, their daughter, was a little older than Carrie and I. We'd take note of her stylish clothes an
d hair-do's and be in awe of her. She was beautiful. We'd learn all the latest dances from her including the robot and some other fun disco moves. My Uncle Johnny and Aunt Teenie were very warm people. Their home was always so festive at Christmas time- lots of baked goods and candy/nuts in fancy dishes. I always had a hard time with the nut-cracker but Dad would help me out. I wasn't patient enough. Aunt Teenie would often sing or hum a lovely Christmas song in her glorious singing voice while Dad and Uncle Johnny would catch up on things. Scrooge would be on the television. Sometimes we'd watch all of it and other times it would be just playing in the background as we gabbed. It was nonetheless a wonderful tradition to enjoy with family. I always was a little spooked out by Scrooge and his pastey, ghostly complexion. This is one of my Dad's favourites!
Dick Clark's New Year's Celebration was the perfect end to the year! We'd stay with Grandma and Grandpa overnight while our parents usually went out to a big New Year's bash. Our wonderful routine consisted of a nice warm bubble bath, followed by getting into our cozy pj's (usually pink ones for me!) and lots of cuddle time with Grandpa on the couch while Grandma fixed us one of her home-made pizzas or sometimes we would order Chinese food from around the corner on Barton Street. The best in town, they claimed! We would get to sit with our TV trays in the living room and watch the special in the "big apple" where we'd watch the ball drop and ring in the new year with good old Dick! That wasn't the end of it though. Our grand finale after much kissing and well wishing with our Grandparents would be our annual pot banging performance on their front porch. We were encouraged to shout as loud as we could- "Happy New Year-r-r-r-r-r-r-" while Grandpa chuckled as he sipped on his first drink of the new year- usually a rye and ginger with lots of ice cubes.
Donny and Marie Osmond were our all-time favourite performers of the '70's whether it was Christmas time or not! We used to crank the music on our dad's "record player" and sing along. Or should I say, Carrie got to bellow it out while she kept me in line and made sure I didn't "out sing" her. I think Carrie truly believed she was Marie Osmond as she would close her eyes with pretend microphone in hand and give the performance of her life. Towards the end of the record, she would get generous and say- "Okay, it's your turn Laura!" I would gear up for my part and say "Good....night.... ever-y-bod-y", as I tried to stretch my part out as long as I could. I would do a little curtsey and that would be the beginning and end of my performance.
Every year on Christmas we would put on a show for our family. One year, we used a song from The Osmond's Christmas Show of '78. Our cousin Larry was a good dancer too for a boy. Carrie would stand in the middle of us, being the eldest, and we would take her cues. It was a big event! We began singing and dancing from side to side, "It never snows in L.A. so Santa don't bring me a sleigh, I'll leave a key by our door cause there's no chimney anymore...." a standing ovation soon followed!
These classic Christmas specials remain so close to my heart.
I looked forward to watching them every year with my sister.
May you always hold close your Christmas pasts- including favourite traditions and memories. They are yours to cherish for many years to come!
Blessings and love to thee.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
kindred spirits
ANNE OF GREEN GABLES
"I've always dreamed of having a bosom friend...a true kindred spirit"
~Anne Shirley to her friend Diana Barry.
kindred spirit- a friendship that has no bounds; to be together in spirit always despite what circumstances life may bring your way.
This was our movie. We watched it probably twenty times, Siobbhan and I. It brought us closer together and we proclaimed after having watched the movie, that we too, had to be kindred spirits.
We were drawn to this movie because it emphasized how special it is to have one good friend. The challenges these young girls faced were things we could relate to. Self image concerns, insecurities, never feeling good enough, apprehensions about our life paths and not knowing where to place ourselves sometimes.
Siobbhan was older than me... by one month, one day and one year. Funny eh? When we first knew of one another, we kept our distance. Back then, she was known for her rebellious nature while I was trying to be a "teacher's pet." You had to be when you were hanging out with the librarian's daughter. When my parents divorced I was alienated by that group of friends. They no longer wanted to hang around me. It was like I was suddenly defective or something. I was now a "child of divorce" don't ya know. I think their parents thought I would suddenly be a bad influence. I then found a new group of friends. They were a far more interesting and ecclectic group of friends. They came from all walks of life- some had blended families, others had been adopted, a few had been living with their single parents (like me) and there were even some whose parents were still married (Siobbhan was one of them). She accepted me! This friendship was off to a great start.
Her family was very large. It was often busy and chaotic in her home and sometimes Siobbhan got lost in the crowd. Her dad had to work long hours and her mom was in school for nursing. It had to be a lot of pressure for her parents back then with four kids, in retrospect. Siobbhan's mom was an amazing seamstress. She sewed lots of clothes and halloween costumes for her family! From what I can recall, Adrienne was a very soft spoken, gentle hearted woman. She was always polite and smiled often. As a kid, I found her intriguingly mysterious. She striked me as the kind of mom that would not raise her voice very often but she could be firm when she had to. Siobbhan's dad Mike was very involved in his kids' lives. He coached a lot of sports at our school. He would do anything for you but he was a "no nonsense" kind of a dad. He would be the one I recall Siobbhan getting heck from! We deserved it though! His face would turn beat red as he would bite his lip and stand there with his hands on his hips scolding us from time to time.
My home life was challenging during this time. My parents were recently separated. Mom worked very long hours to try to make ends meet. She was hurting and trying to cope with her own feelings about the divorce. We remained in touch with dad but it was hard on all of us living apart now. It was my older sister Carrie who was often left to look out for me. She had a hard time because I used to give her a run for her money. I was a kid that couldn't stand still. I was a curious creature who needed to be out exploring the world at a very young age. My parents were in their early thirties during this time. Wow- now that I am an adult and around that age, it puts a completely different spin on things. I can't imagine having to part ways with your spouse when there are children involved. It was very difficult for both of them.
My home life was challenging during this time. My parents were recently separated. Mom worked very long hours to try to make ends meet. She was hurting and trying to cope with her own feelings about the divorce. We remained in touch with dad but it was hard on all of us living apart now. It was my older sister Carrie who was often left to look out for me. She had a hard time because I used to give her a run for her money. I was a kid that couldn't stand still. I was a curious creature who needed to be out exploring the world at a very young age. My parents were in their early thirties during this time. Wow- now that I am an adult and around that age, it puts a completely different spin on things. I can't imagine having to part ways with your spouse when there are children involved. It was very difficult for both of them.
In our own way, Siobbhan and I were struggling with similar issues but our family circumstances were very different in many ways. We were and still are "old souls". Always compassionate for the underdogs, always intolerant of the over-achievers and there we were somewhere in the middle of it all. I felt confused and alone in this time of my life as I tried to make sense of so many things.
I had a vivid imagination as a kid. It kept me safe sometimes. It was like a shield for when things were difficult. I always felt so comforted having a friend that would take my thoughts away to a different place. A place that was free of worry or concern. I had no care in the world when I was with my kindred spirit. We would roam and explore together creating our very own childhood adventures. Often times we would hike the escarpment all day long with our packed lunch, the clothes on our back and eachother. That's all we needed. We'd sit in our favourite spot overlooking the city. We felt so big and invincible standing on top of the mountain. We'd just sit there and talk for hours on end about everything under the sun. Time stood still when we were together. Ask our parents because they would often be ready to send out a search party, as we strolled in after dusk.
A move eventually put some distance between us and Siobbhan was now entering grade 9. I felt abandoned as I apprehensively took to hanging around grade 8 students again. What a transition. I needed her. Eventually, fate would have its way and Siobbhan and I grew apart. Once I came to her high school in grade 10, she was well established with her new set of friends. It wasn't the same, although she tried to include me. I just wanted her to myself again. Life was getting far more complicated now. Boyfriends, homework, new friends, new pressures. I yearned for those days when life was simple. I missed those days but they were gone.
Life sometimes takes people in different directions, I have learned. However, some people leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.
We finally re-connected a few years back. We embarked on a road trip to see my father in Wiarton. No kids, no hubbies. Just the two of us. It was as though no time had passed. We were still the same girls now in adult bodies. On the way home, we stopped, parked the car and with our ice cappuccinos, sat under an umbrella in our lawn chairs along the side of the country highway, smoking cigarettes like two school girls. I didn't want that moment to end.
I feel so alive in her presence. She remains good to the core. She is the most humble, kind, gentle, compassionate being I know. She oozes with comfort, wisdom and just plain old goodness. Her pleasures are focused around her family. She is a mother who will nurture her children with so much love that they will grow up to be happy, self-assured and conscientious young people. I will be indebted to her for life. She inspires me to be a good person.
We are mothers now together. How beautiful is that. Siobbhan has a beautiful daughter Sadie and just had a baby boy Jack who is three months older than Fischer. They will all be playmates, we are certain. Our husbands are so much like one another too. I believe we never lost sight of what we both wanted in our lives- to love and be loved. We both have been so blessed with our husbands.
Thank you for coming back into my life my dear Spiro. I can't wait to build many memories with you as we grow old together.
"I solemnly swear to remain faithful to my bosom friend as long as the sun and moon shall endure"
- Anne Shirley
Friday, December 08, 2006
a blended family
As I lay in the hospital bed, I am surrounded by family. My mother on one side of me and my step-mother on the other. My father is sitting in a chair beside my husband whispering as they hold this new bundle of joy that has just entered our lives. My sister stands over them with a smile.
I look around. I feel peace. I feel love. My blended family is beautiful. I would not ask for anything more. People say divorce is difficult. Sure it is. I remember. It wasn't all bad either though. I have more siblings, more parents and most of all I have lots of people to love.
Love makes the world go 'round.
I look around. I feel peace. I feel love. My blended family is beautiful. I would not ask for anything more. People say divorce is difficult. Sure it is. I remember. It wasn't all bad either though. I have more siblings, more parents and most of all I have lots of people to love.
Love makes the world go 'round.
Monday, December 04, 2006
our five senses
Today I thought about my five senses and how much we don't pay attention to them at times. They are so special and they are all a gift. Someone once asked me- if you had to give up one of your senses, what would it be. I carefully reviewed them in my mind....
1) sight- no couldn't give that one up because I see too much beauty in my surroundings. I see my husband's loving gaze, my baby's sweet rosy cheeks, my parents' beautiful laugh lines, the sunlight and moonlight, flowers blooming. There is just way too much around me to see and to love!
2) hearing- no definately couldn't part with this sense. I love to hear people's laughter and song, the raindrops on my window at night, the waves on the beach, the words I love you and good night from my father, the sound of children squealing with delight as they run by, the sound of music to my ears. No way. Couldn't give this up.
3) taste- oh my love for food and drink! I can't imagine not being able to taste chocolate, or a ripe watermelon or nectarine, a juicy orange, a sour lemonade that makes your cheeks pucker, or the yummy taste of cheesy PIZZA! My favourite food of all!
4) smell- to go without the ability to smell would be very difficult too. No more following your nose to the nearest bakery for a fresh loaf of bread or cinnabuns, no more picking a flower stem for the love of your life and smelling it all the way home, no more smelling of a baby's soft scented hair and skin or the aroma of candles, baked goods and evergreens on a Christmas night.
5) touch- I definately couldn't sacrifice my need for touch. I am soothed by touch. The touch on my shoulder from an old friend, the soft carress from my husband as he greets me hello, the sweet kisses from niece and nephew goodnight, the tender backrubs from mother and the hugs from grandma that always warm my heart.
Bottom line is.. all of our five senses are equally as thrilling, as beautiful and as important. Tomorrow pay attention to all of them and cherish them. They are yours to keep- your five senses that will keep you in touch with the world that surrounds you.
Good night xoxoxox
1) sight- no couldn't give that one up because I see too much beauty in my surroundings. I see my husband's loving gaze, my baby's sweet rosy cheeks, my parents' beautiful laugh lines, the sunlight and moonlight, flowers blooming. There is just way too much around me to see and to love!
2) hearing- no definately couldn't part with this sense. I love to hear people's laughter and song, the raindrops on my window at night, the waves on the beach, the words I love you and good night from my father, the sound of children squealing with delight as they run by, the sound of music to my ears. No way. Couldn't give this up.
3) taste- oh my love for food and drink! I can't imagine not being able to taste chocolate, or a ripe watermelon or nectarine, a juicy orange, a sour lemonade that makes your cheeks pucker, or the yummy taste of cheesy PIZZA! My favourite food of all!
4) smell- to go without the ability to smell would be very difficult too. No more following your nose to the nearest bakery for a fresh loaf of bread or cinnabuns, no more picking a flower stem for the love of your life and smelling it all the way home, no more smelling of a baby's soft scented hair and skin or the aroma of candles, baked goods and evergreens on a Christmas night.
5) touch- I definately couldn't sacrifice my need for touch. I am soothed by touch. The touch on my shoulder from an old friend, the soft carress from my husband as he greets me hello, the sweet kisses from niece and nephew goodnight, the tender backrubs from mother and the hugs from grandma that always warm my heart.
Bottom line is.. all of our five senses are equally as thrilling, as beautiful and as important. Tomorrow pay attention to all of them and cherish them. They are yours to keep- your five senses that will keep you in touch with the world that surrounds you.
Good night xoxoxox
Sunday, December 03, 2006
on being good enough
As Fischer discovers his hands and feet, we discover our love growing to new heights for this little baby of ours.
He has a new look- a twinkle in his eye when he squeals with delight at the mere sight of us. It amazes me to think that no matter how good we are to this little babe, it is his understanding that we are flawless. It is all he knows and it will always be good enough - in this stage anyway! I ask him to be patient sometimes as I fumble with his clothes and don't take them off as good or as quickly as I'd like or when I can't always determine his needs when he cries. I must say it is pretty wonderful to have a little person love you unconditionally no matter how quick, on the ball or flustered I may become.
Each day that passes, we grow more familiar with one another as we become a family unit.
I pray we will take each day as it comes and embrace all the small treasures and rewards of parenting and may Fischer enjoy all of the small treasures and rewards of being a new person in this world.
It all adds up into something really wonderful..
He has a new look- a twinkle in his eye when he squeals with delight at the mere sight of us. It amazes me to think that no matter how good we are to this little babe, it is his understanding that we are flawless. It is all he knows and it will always be good enough - in this stage anyway! I ask him to be patient sometimes as I fumble with his clothes and don't take them off as good or as quickly as I'd like or when I can't always determine his needs when he cries. I must say it is pretty wonderful to have a little person love you unconditionally no matter how quick, on the ball or flustered I may become.
Each day that passes, we grow more familiar with one another as we become a family unit.
I pray we will take each day as it comes and embrace all the small treasures and rewards of parenting and may Fischer enjoy all of the small treasures and rewards of being a new person in this world.
It all adds up into something really wonderful..
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